--- title: Project U. Blog | empowering description: empowering | Tips and insights for managing your career and your wellness --- Call me at 781-690-2277 [![The Projectcoach](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/hs-fs/file-13948886-png/images/header_4_920x150.png)](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/) # Project U. Blog ## [Using Feelings and Needs to Create Success and Happiness](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/bid/81867/Using-Feelings-and-Needs-to-Create-Success-and-Happiness) Posted by [Catherine Saar](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/author/catherine-saar) on Sat, Jan 26, 2013 @ 09:26 AM - [Tweet](https://twitter.com/share) It’s taken me 40 years to figure this out, so listen up!  The secr![Saar,Catherine](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/hs-fs/file-19097301-jpg/images/saar%2ccatherine.jpg?width=159&height=223&name=saar%2ccatherine.jpg)et to happiness and success is to be willing to ask yourself lots of honest questions about how you feel and what you need and then to listen to your answers with curiosity, not judgment (like blaming or beating yourself  - or others, up).  Once you know what you need, you can take responsibility for meeting those needs – and in so doing, you have the opportunity to create more happiness and success in your life. This takes some practice, and may seem unusual, but consider that we all have feelings and needs as part of our human condition.  Notice that when you have unmet needs, you often experience less comfortable, or more “negative” emotions.  (E.g. I’m cold and I have no access to warm clothing) On the other hand, when our needs do get met, we tend to experience more of what we consider ”positive” emotions.  (E.g. I need more money and I just got a raise.) That means that our feelings can give us important information about what we need to be happier - and once we know that, we can strategize how to best meet them.  Here’s an example.  Let’s say your boss tends to get very involved in your projects. You might label that behavior as “micromanaging”.  More importantly, you feel frustrated by the way he works with you because your desire for effectiveness feels hampered and you notice you would like more freedom and fluidity in how you get your work done.   You wish the boss would trust you.  At the same time, you like the company and you enjoy the security of a regular paycheck.  You may also be uncomfortable with finding the time to look for a new job. So you are clear on what you feel and what you want.  How can that information help you to strategize some creative solutions?  Notice you also have a guess at what your boss is feeling and needing.  Hmmm. Your needs and his don’t seem to match. Perhaps your solution set could include meeting some of his needs  - thereby increasing the likelihood of your plan’s acceptance and success.   For example, could you suggest creating an information flow  (like a weekly status report or call) that meets his needs and at the same time also creates increased freedom for you? On the other hand, what if you and your boss cant work it out?  Sadly, not all of our needs will be met by other people and we can’t control the way others behave.  What you can control is what you do, and now, you get to choose what is best for you.  Is your need for freedom so great that you cannot feel relaxed in your current job, or is your desire for a regular paycheck and your enjoyment of the company more important to you?  Depending on your honest answer, you may decide to leave, or to stay.  If you hate the situation and decide to stay anyway, will it increase your happiness and success?  Ask yourself, is your boss responsible for creating your best life, or are you? This is just an example of the many ways honest questioning can work to your benefit. As long as you stick to feelings and needs and avoid beating yourself up, this approach can be very empowering, For me, exploring feelings and needs, and understanding the choices I make have led me to greater happiness.  While it isn’t always been easy, I wouldn’t have it any other way. 0 Comments [Click here to read/write comments](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/bid/81867/Using-Feelings-and-Needs-to-Create-Success-and-Happiness#comments-listing) Tags: [blaming](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/blaming), [curiosity](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/curiosity), [success](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/success), [empowering](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/empowering), [boss](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/boss), [choices](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/choices), [needs](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/needs), [honest](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/honest), [beating](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/beating), [job](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/job), [negative emotions](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/negative-emotions), [feelings and needs](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/feelings-and-needs), [exploring](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/exploring), [micromanaging](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/micromanaging), [judgement](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/judgement), [unmet needs](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/unmet-needs), [happiness](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/happiness), [effectiveness](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/effectiveness), [positive emotions](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/positive-emotions) ## [Five Paths Back to Your Authentic Self](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/bid/72989/Five-Paths-Back-to-Your-Authentic-Self) Posted by [Catherine Saar](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/author/catherine-saar) on Thu, Mar 08, 2012 @ 11:01 AM - [Tweet](https://twitter.com/share) ![homepageiStock 000011612569Smallbutterfly](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/hs-fs/file-13948928-jpg/images/homepageistock_000011612569smallbutterfly.jpg?width=205&height=122&name=homepageistock_000011612569smallbutterfly.jpg)Have you ever noticed that when you are doing what you love, you feel peaceful, clear and alive? You feel like you have energy to go on for hours without tiring and you can’t wait to do it again.  In these moments, you are aligned in body, spirit and mind.  All is well with the world. On the other hand, when you’re not excited about getting out of bed in the morning or you find yourself exhausted all the time, check in.   If nothing seems good enough, is it because you are spending all your energy keeping up appearances to fit into other’s expectations?  Are you possibly living by your own faulty assumptions and expectations about what your life “should be”? Listen for the whisper of your authentic self.  When you engage in activities that please your parent(s), your lover or someone other than you, chances are, you are not honoring your truth.    The funny thing about that is that your truth won’t leave you alone.  It pushes on you, often in some subconscious way, creating stress and fogginess.  Sometimes you may even create bad habits like overeating or engaging in substance abuse to better ignore that small voice nagging at you, trying to tell you,  ‘something is not right here.’ We are often afraid to hear what our inner voice has to say.  There may be guilt, anger, conflict and ultimately, a need to take corrective action if we are courageous enough to allow ourselves to pay attention. But that voice is your friend.  It is the voice that wants you to experience the joy of aligning to your life purpose.  Like a good friend, it will keep nagging you to do the right thing for you.   I won’t kid you.  If you’re not in the habit of honoring your authentic self, it can be a challenging journey to acknowledge who you are.  You may disappoint some people in your life.  You may leave some others behind.  You may need to start a new career.  It can be scary – BUT, the place it will lead you - back to yourself - will be incredibly meaningful and empowering.    If you aren’t sure where or how to start to listen to your inner voice, here are some of my favorite resources and ideas to get you started: 1) **Start a mindfulness or a meditation practice of your choice**.  Any mindfulness practice will put you back in touch with yourself.  There are tons of resources online – and practices come in many flavors.  Explore and experiment.  2) **Create space and time in your life to do more of the things you love. ** Take 30 minutes a day (or more) to do something for you. 3) **Find a book to guide you.**  Here are some of my favorites:   - [**The Joy Diet**](http://www.amazon.com/The-Joy-Diet-Practices-Happier/dp/0609609904/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1331224039&sr=8-1http://), Martha Beck – A 10-step process to bring more joy to your life in every way - [ **I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was**](http://www.amazon.com/Could-Anything-Only-Knew-What/dp/0440505003/ref=sr_1_sc_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1331221250&sr=1-1-spell), Barbara Sher – My favorite resource for finding your career passion - [**The Artist’s Way**](http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_10?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=the+artists+way&sprefix=the+artist%2Cstripbooks%2C140), Julia Cameron – A classic primer for artists and anyone interested in accessing more creativity in their life 4) **Work with a coach**.  Individual or group coaching can be useful if you want a partner to help support and guide you toward clarity about your authentic path.  ([More on this](http://www.7layerliving.com/2010/01/06/you-choose-your-life-everyday-so-choose-well/)) 5) **Work with a therapist.**  Therapy may be extremely beneficial for certain situations.  If you have experienced trauma, or face serious emotional issues or medical conditions, including anxiety and depression, working with a psychotherapist may be an important first step to finding your way. Once you find your personal truth and accept who you are and what you value as being good and worthwhile, you can begin to make choices that lead you to more joy.  Take a breath and listen.  Know that you are worth it. **Interested in a complimentary 30-minute coaching consultation**?  Call me at 781-237-3420 or send me an e-mail at [cat@theprojectcoach.com](mailto:cat@theprojectcoach.com)  to find out how you can clarify your goals and make your dreams come true. 0 Comments [Click here to read/write comments](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/bid/72989/Five-Paths-Back-to-Your-Authentic-Self#comments-listing) Tags: [coaching](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/coaching), [clarity](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/clarity), [conflict](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/conflict), [peaceful](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/peaceful), [spirit](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/spirit), [expectations](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/expectations), [your truth](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/your-truth), [substance abuse](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/substance-abuse), [guilt](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/guilt), [courageous](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/courageous), [empowering](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/empowering), [explore](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/explore), [Martha Beck](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/martha-beck), [Barbara Sher](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/barbara-sher), [body](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/body), [doing what you love](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/doing-what-you-love), [clear](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/clear), [aligned](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/aligned), [mind](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/mind), [keeping up appearances](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/keeping-up-appearances), [authentic self](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/authentic-self), [overeating](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/overeating), [afraid](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/afraid), [meditation](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/meditation), [things you love](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/things-you-love), [The Artist's Way](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/the-artists-way), [Julia Cameron](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/julia-cameron), [choices](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/choices), [make your dreams come true](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/make-your-dreams-come-true), [inner voice](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/inner-voice), [coach](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/coach), [goals](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/goals), [energy](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/energy), [exhausted](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/exhausted), [stress](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/stress), [bad habits](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/bad-habits), [anger](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/anger), [life purpose](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/life-purpose), [new career](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/new-career), [meaningful](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/meaningful), [mindfulness](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/mindfulness), [experiment](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/experiment), [The Joy Diet](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/the-joy-diet), [I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/i-could-do-anything-if-i-only-knew-what-it-was), [trauma](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/trauma), [emotional issues](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/emotional-issues), [complimentary coaching session](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/complimentary-coaching-session), [passion](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/passion), [creativity](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/creativity), [therapy](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/therapy), [breath](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/breath), [worth](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/topic/worth) [All Posts](https://www.theprojectcoach.com/blog/all) ### Subscribe via E-mail ### Latest Posts ### Follow Me ### Posts by Month - 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