Project U. Blog

Why Yes is Also No

Posted by Catherine Saar on Fri, Dec 20, 2013 @ 08:13 AM

It’s the busy holiday season, and there are more things on my to-do list than I can accomplish before year- end.  As I say “yes” to the items on my list, I am actually saying “no” to some others.   Whenever I accept an invitation, or take time to return a phone call, whatever I choose, I create my life.

When I commit to one romantic relationship, I essentially say “no” to another.  When I say “yes” to tons of volunteer work and keeping a busy work and social schedule, I may be saying no to rest, exercise or other kinds of self-care.  Sometimes it seems that there is no “right” answer.  I want to do it all.  I want to meet everyone’s needs as well as my own.  So how do you know what to choose?

Some decisions are easier than others.  The tricky ones play my emotions as if they were a musical score to a Broadway show - with joy, sorrow, and a whole range of seemingly conflicting feelings showing up.

For example, when I say no, I sometimes feel grief.  I mourn what I give up, even when I am moving into something that will be more life affirming for me.   My recent divorce is a case in point.   While being divorced has allowed a world of possibility and freedom, I miss some of the predictability and ease of partnership. I am also noticing that holiday planning seemed less complicated back then 

Would I go back? NO.  Do I still feel the sadness of what I have lost and the joy at what I have gained? YES.

WTF?  This is not what Hollywood promised!  How are we able to hold sweetness, joy and sorrow all at the same time? And yet I know in my heart, that in this weird metamorphosis, I am where I need to be, moving in the direction that I need to go.

Because I am a curious human, I sometimes hunger to know the outcome of the choices I did not make.   This is more commonly called  “second guessing.” Other times, I hope to be assured of an outcome before I make a decision.  That is very rarely possible and may lead to getting stuck!

What I’ve finally learned is that I cannot make decisions only with my brain, because it doesn’t have the answer.  It has logic, which often has nothing to do with what I really want in my heart.  And sadly, just trusting emotions is also not reliable, as those fickle friends usually show up in response to what I am thinking and can change with the wind.  

My hard-won insight  (after years of yoga, coaching, and nonviolent communication) is to rely more on the sensations in my body for decision making.  For example, I can notice a sense of relaxation and calm that I feel when I find an answer that suits me best.  It shows up as easier breathing, and lightness behind my eyes. I feel more open. On the other hand, when I am conflicted, I may feel tightness in my belly, my chest and/or my throat.  My eyes feel tired. 

My body is really smart.  It seems to be able to dialogue with my heart and my mind in ways to gather wisdom that heart or mind alone cannot access.  This kind of sensory feedback can take some mindfulness to observe, but it is available if you commit to noticing.  Or, download here; THE BODY COMPASS video that will take you through a simple exercise that can help you create an internal guidance mechanism.

My hope for you is that you can begin to listen carefully and notice what your body says when you say “yes,” or you say “no.”  Take your time, and trust yourself.  Remember, in every moment, you decide how you live your life, and you also get another opportunity to try something different.

 

Best Wishes for a happy and healthy 2014.

Tags: relationship, nonviolent communication, coaching, heart, divorced, curious, body compass, self care, yoga, second-guessing, stuck, body, exercise, grieve, metamorphosis

How to Benefit by Turning Your Job Search into a Project

Posted by Catherine Saar on Thu, Dec 08, 2011 @ 08:51 AM

Looking for a new job is a project – and it can be a streKozzi man smiles at desk 644x806ssful one, especially if you’re currently unemployed.  To make it better, I suggest you treat your job search as if it were a part-time job.  Being organized and getting dressed everyday – as well as taking time for lunch and getting exercise, can help relieve stress.  My experience is that a healthy, less stressed job seeker is usually more effective and more energetic - and that often translates into better results.  

Here are some tips and guidelines to consider when putting your project plan in place: 

  • Set a goal for daily and weekly hours for working on your job search.  If possible, set regular office hours for yourself. 
  • Don’t overdo it.  Forty hours a week may be too taxing.  Considering starting with 20 to 25 hours a week and adjust as needed.
  • Create an organized, professional workspace for yourself. Sitting in front of the TV with a bowl of cereal in your hand and a notepad on your lap may not be the best strategy for clear thinking.
  • Make yourself presentable.  You’re valuable.  Treat yourself as such.  You don’t have to dress-up in business clothes, but looking good contributes to a positive outlook. 
  • Each week, set goals and create a project plan for what you want to accomplish during your office hours.  Here are some activities to consider:
  • Spend time on your personal brand if you are making a career shift or change.  Take time to take career surveys, do informational interviews and develop a clear awareness of what you want from your next position.
  • Network in-person, on the phone and online.  Online networking is important, but don’t overlook high touch contact.  
  • Develop new contacts by joining groups and attending industry-networking functions.
  • Follow companies and apply for positions using targeted online job sites. There are many to consider, so pick the ones that suit you.
  • Update your resume and cover letters as needed.
  • Volunteer or take classes that improve or increase your marketable skills.

Last but not least, make time outside of your project schedule to connect with friends and share a few laughs.  Because looking for a job is a job, you will benefit by taking time to recharge your batteries. 

Best wishes for a happy, healthy and successful hunt.   By the way, what job search tips have worked well for you?

Tags: professional, network, results, change, goal, skills, part-time job, relieve stress, valuable, career shift, exercise, how to, resume, benefit, successful, unemployed, project plan, marketable, job sites, recharge, cover letters job search tips, happy, project, stressful, job search, online networking, industry