Project U. Blog

If You Can’t Do It All, Why Not Do What You Love?

Posted by Catherine Saar on Tue, Mar 25, 2014 @ 10:08 AM

I have been lamenting my absence from social media of late, as well as my disruption in blogging.   My anxiety level was climbing as my inner voice chanted, “You should be …….  You should do”… and on and on.  Of course then my monkey midescribe the imagend rambled over to the dire consequences that await me:  “You won’t have any friends, you won’t succeed, “ BLAH, BLAH, Blah Blah…"

I was getting angry with myself until I realized that there are only 24 hours in a day, and that I have to spend at least six of them sleeping.

“Shoulding” on yourself is not the way to joy or peace. I have come to believe that one’s true path to success and fulfillment on this planet is to become more aware of who we are; to rediscover everyday what an “inspired” life means for each of us.  It is not something that anyone else can prescribe for you. Only you know what food, what work, what friendships and what pastimes most nurture you and allow you to bring the most joy and love to yourself and therefore, to the world.    And if you or I are not arriving at this place of joy and love, then perhaps we need to ask ourselves, “Why not?”

Having realized that no one else can tell me how to live my “right” life, I have to put my big girl pants on and choose where to focus my energy.  And some of those choices are painful!  Why?  Some behaviors are familiar and comfortable habits so they are hard to let go of (like wanting to be liked) and yet, they no longer serve me. And some are things that I enjoy, like hanging out on social media for hours, leave me insufficient time to pursue my soul’s passions.

Yup, change is challenging, but not embracing my soul’s desires with full engagement feels worse.

I am mourning many of the things that I will give up to get other things, and also celebrating the delights that I receive in so doing.   These choices are becoming more important for me as I enter the second half of my life and I understand with greater clarity that my energy and my time on this earth are not unlimited.

I find I am beginning to appreciate the things I am doing more, and fretting less about the things that I am not.  I am diving deep into my yoga studies and yoga teaching; I am offering NVC practice groups and workshops; I am coaching clients and fulfilling business agreements that bring me great satisfaction.  I have been reading more, exploring a loving relationship and spending more time being mindful.

This feels good.   This is my path.  And I wonder, what is yours?  What do you need to do to create a life that delights you and that serves the world?  If you can’t do everything, what is stopping you from doing what you love?

 

Tags: coaching, peace, inspired life, yoga, success, joy, nurture, passion, NVC, teaching, workshops, shoulding

Becoming the Incredible Hulk

Posted by Catherine Saar on Thu, Jul 12, 2012 @ 09:44 PM

The Incredible Hulk, courtesy of Marvel ComicsWhen one looks closely, the process of transformation does not appear to be fun. How often do we wax poetic about transformation, using the caterpillar to butterfly metaphor and forget to mention that the caterpillar retreats into its cocoon to digest itself from the inside out (temporarily becoming  a soupy mush and letting its body die) before it emerges a gorgeous winged creature?  And what about those scenes from movies like The Incredible Hulk where we watch attractive leading men  (most recently Mark Ruffalo and Edward Norton) groan in agony as their bodies painfully mutate into giant, gruesome, green  monsters?

My recent experience is another case in point.  Rearranging my 20+-year relationship while dismantling a residence and establishing a new home, has caused my brain to be baffled by simple tasks, like finding where I put the scissors.  All of my neural pathways seem to be challenged and working overtime to cope with the immediate and unfamiliar needs of my surroundings.

In short, while the outcome of transformation can be amazing, getting there is not without its difficulties.  When we change, we leave behind  familiar and comfortable habits that we have practiced and perfected for years!  Even when those behaviors are dysfunctional paths to no place special, (e.g. smoking, co-dependency, workaholism etc.) on some level, they had helped us to define ourselves – and we feel a little lost without them.

When you experience a transformation that causes you to not only change your situation, (like moving), but also to question your self-definition (like retiring or becoming an empty nester) you’ve got a bit of a mountain to climb.  It’s do-able, and you’ll probably love the view at the top, but let’s face it, it is going to take some work to get there.  If possible, I suggest you prepare for the journey - with food and water for sustenance, maybe a companion, a compass or GPS and some emergency medical supplies.

Changing roles can push you into a chaotic chasm of redefinition.  It may feel dark and difficult, but it won’t last forever.  Some days, you may want to follow the wisdom of the caterpillar and crawl into your cocoon for a melt down in order to manage the experience.  Or, you may just surrender to the process of becoming the Incredible Hulk and tackle your discomfort as flesh and bone break (metaphorically speaking) while you grow and stretch into the powerful being that it is your destiny to become. 

Now the good news:  the renewed self can provide exciting adventures as well as peace.  Whether we follow the path of butterfly or beast, in time, we adjust to our revised reality and feel more comfortable in our new skin.  With this, we gain perspective, possibility, and new ways to relate in the world. 

Today, and always, I wish you transformation that brings joy, strength and meaning.  It may not be an easy journey, but  try to embrace it, and don’t forget to pack a lunch.  

Tags: strength, cope, transformation, Mark Ruffalo, Edward Norton, mutate, dysfunctional, melt down, discomfort, peace, butterfly, destiny, retiring, surender, beast, meaning, neural pathways, joy, The Incredible Hulk, Marvel Comics, habits, journey, agony, self-definition