Project U. Blog

"I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace.”

Dalai Lama (Head of the Dge-lugs-pa order of Tibetan Buddhists, 1989 Nobel Peace Prize, b.1935)

Wishing you a peaceful holiday season filled with happy moments.

Face it. Sometimes things go wrong, even if you are a conscientious, competent leader.  A blog post by Art Petty on how leaders can benefit from their mistakes resonated with me so much that I decided to share it with you, especially since many of my bosses over the years counseled me not to ever apologize or explain, as doing so shows weakness.

That did not appear to be good advice. What I found instead was that when I quickly owned up to an issue, shared what happened and how to fix it, my associates were appreciative and understanding.  This practice actually built trust, strengthened my working relationships and encouraged openness. By modeling that mistakes are not the end of the world, it allowed others the freedom to address issues openly when they arose. Petty’s post captures this notion beautifully when he writes, “don’t dwell on or attempt to hide your mistakes.  Instead, confront them head-on, help everyone learn from them, and move on.” 

According to Petty, not only should you clearly admit that you made a mistake, in addition, don’t make up an excuse.  He also states that you shouldn’t blame anyone else on your team when an error happens on your watch: “Take your medicine and use your team member’s mistake as a developmental opportunity.”

Here are the two additional recommendations from the post that I support wholeheartedly: 

“Share where you went wrong. If your gaffe was an interpersonal one, admit to the other party that you recognize what you did wrong. For example, “I shouldn’t have jumped to a conclusion before I heard all of the facts.”  If the mistake related to a decision, assess where you might have gone wrong and share the mistake. “I framed this problem wrong. I let emotions get in the way of a clear view to the situation, and I made a rash decision.”  This is powerful credibility building juice and a teaching moment for everyone involved.”

And:

“Apologize. The fine art of the workplace apology is often ignored in the workplace. Instead of a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of character and strength.”

I love that.  As I mentioned, I didn’t often hear this perspective articulated in the business world, and I surely appreciate hearing it now. Thanks Art!

When one looks closely, the process of transformation does not appear to be fun. How often do we wax poetic about transformation, using the caterpillar to butterfly metaphor and forget to mention that the caterpillar retreats into its cocoon to digest itself from the inside out (temporarily becoming  a soupy mush and letting its body die) before it emerges a gorgeous winged creature?  And what about those scenes from movies like The Incredible Hulk where we watch attractive leading men  (most recently Mark Ruffalo and Edward Norton) groan in agony as their bodies painfully mutate into giant, gruesome, green  monsters?

My recent experience is another case in point.  Rearranging my 20+-year relationship while dismantling a residence and establishing a new home, has caused my brain to be baffled by simple tasks, like finding where I put the scissors.  All of my neural pathways seem to be challenged and working overtime to cope with the immediate and unfamiliar needs of my surroundings.

In short, while the outcome of transformation can be amazing, getting there is not without its difficulties.  When we change, we leave behind  familiar and comfortable habits that we have practiced and perfected for years!  Even when those behaviors are dysfunctional paths to no place special, (e.g. smoking, co-dependency, workaholism etc.) on some level, they had helped us to define ourselves – and we feel a little lost without them.

When you experience a transformation that causes you to not only change your situation, (like moving), but also to question your self-definition (like retiring or becoming an empty nester) you’ve got a bit of a mountain to climb.  It’s do-able, and you’ll probably love the view at the top, but let’s face it, it is going to take some work to get there.  If possible, I suggest you prepare for the journey - with food and water for sustenance, maybe a companion, a compass or GPS and some emergency medical supplies.

Changing roles can push you into a chaotic chasm of redefinition.  It may feel dark and difficult, but it won’t last forever.  Some days, you may want to follow the wisdom of the caterpillar and crawl into your cocoon for a melt down in order to manage the experience.  Or, you may just surrender to the process of becoming the Incredible Hulk and tackle your discomfort as flesh and bone break (metaphorically speaking) while you grow and stretch into the powerful being that it is your destiny to become. 

Now the good news:  the renewed self can provide exciting adventures as well as peace.  Whether we follow the path of butterfly or beast, in time, we adjust to our revised reality and feel more comfortable in our new skin.  With this, we gain perspective, possibility, and new ways to relate in the world. 

Today, and always, I wish you transformation that brings joy, strength and meaning.  It may not be an easy journey, but  try to embrace it, and don’t forget to pack a lunch.