Project U. Blog

I have been lamenting my absence from social media of late, as well as my disruption in blogging.   My anxiety level was climbing as my inner voice chanted, “You should be …….  You should do”… and on and on.  Of course then my monkey mind rambled over to the dire consequences that await me:  “You won’t have any friends, you won’t succeed, “ BLAH, BLAH, Blah Blah…"

I was getting angry with myself until I realized that there are only 24 hours in a day, and that I have to spend at least six of them sleeping.

“Shoulding” on yourself is not the way to joy or peace. I have come to believe that one’s true path to success and fulfillment on this planet is to become more aware of who we are; to rediscover everyday what an “inspired” life means for each of us.  It is not something that anyone else can prescribe for you. Only you know what food, what work, what friendships and what pastimes most nurture you and allow you to bring the most joy and love to yourself and therefore, to the world.    And if you or I are not arriving at this place of joy and love, then perhaps we need to ask ourselves, “Why not?”

Having realized that no one else can tell me how to live my “right” life, I have to put my big girl pants on and choose where to focus my energy.  And some of those choices are painful!  Why?  Some behaviors are familiar and comfortable habits so they are hard to let go of (like wanting to be liked) and yet, they no longer serve me. And some are things that I enjoy, like hanging out on social media for hours, leave me insufficient time to pursue my soul’s passions.

Yup, change is challenging, but not embracing my soul’s desires with full engagement feels worse.

I am mourning many of the things that I will give up to get other things, and also celebrating the delights that I receive in so doing.   These choices are becoming more important for me as I enter the second half of my life and I understand with greater clarity that my energy and my time on this earth are not unlimited.

I find I am beginning to appreciate the things I am doing more, and fretting less about the things that I am not.  I am diving deep into my yoga studies and yoga teaching; I am offering NVC practice groups and workshops; I am coaching clients and fulfilling business agreements that bring me great satisfaction.  I have been reading more, exploring a loving relationship and spending more time being mindful.

This feels good.   This is my path.  And I wonder, what is yours?  What do you need to do to create a life that delights you and that serves the world?  If you can’t do everything, what is stopping you from doing what you love?

It’s taken me 40 years to figure this out, so listen up!  The secret to happiness and success is to be willing to ask yourself lots of honest questions about how you feel and what you need and then to listen to your answers with curiosity, not judgment (like blaming or beating yourself  - or others, up).  Once you know what you need, you can take responsibility for meeting those needs – and in so doing, you have the opportunity to create more happiness and success in your life.

This takes some practice, and may seem unusual, but consider that we all have feelings and needs as part of our human condition.  Notice that when you have unmet needs, you often experience less comfortable, or more “negative” emotions.  (E.g. I’m cold and I have no access to warm clothing) On the other hand, when our needs do get met, we tend to experience more of what we consider ”positive” emotions.  (E.g. I need more money and I just got a raise.) That means that our feelings can give us important information about what we need to be happier - and once we know that, we can strategize how to best meet them. 

Here’s an example.  Let’s say your boss tends to get very involved in your projects. You might label that behavior as “micromanaging”.  More importantly, you feel frustrated by the way he works with you because your desire for effectiveness feels hampered and you notice you would like more freedom and fluidity in how you get your work done.   You wish the boss would trust you.  At the same time, you like the company and you enjoy the security of a regular paycheck.  You may also be uncomfortable with finding the time to look for a new job.

So you are clear on what you feel and what you want.  How can that information help you to strategize some creative solutions?  Notice you also have a guess at what your boss is feeling and needing.  Hmmm. Your needs and his don’t seem to match. Perhaps your solution set could include meeting some of his needs  - thereby increasing the likelihood of your plan’s acceptance and success.   For example, could you suggest creating an information flow  (like a weekly status report or call) that meets his needs and at the same time also creates increased freedom for you?

On the other hand, what if you and your boss cant work it out?  Sadly, not all of our needs will be met by other people and we can’t control the way others behave.  What you can control is what you do, and now, you get to choose what is best for you.  Is your need for freedom so great that you cannot feel relaxed in your current job, or is your desire for a regular paycheck and your enjoyment of the company more important to you?  Depending on your honest answer, you may decide to leave, or to stay.  If you hate the situation and decide to stay anyway, will it increase your happiness and success?  Ask yourself, is your boss responsible for creating your best life, or are you?

This is just an example of the many ways honest questioning can work to your benefit. As long as you stick to feelings and needs and avoid beating yourself up, this approach can be very empowering, For me, exploring feelings and needs, and understanding the choices I make have led me to greater happiness.  While it isn’t always been easy, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Success is not an accident.  In a survey of thousands of successful people, the top 10 percent most successful said that they thought about their dream all the time, and took steps daily to make it happen.  After all, can you get somewhere if you don’t know where you’re going?  Having a clear vision and clear goals is essential to your journey.

Take a moment and think about something you’ve accomplished in your life that makes you feel good and proud.

How did you make it happen?          

My guess is that for most of you, it started with an intention or an idea. Chances are, you accomplished your goal because you knew what you wanted, and why you wanted it.  Whatever it was, whether it was losing weight, writing a book, or starting a business, it probably started with a desire and the motivation to achieve your dream, your vision.

So what dream have you yet to realize? In an article by author Bronnie Ware,  a nurse who worked with patients during the last three to twelve weeks of their lives, she documented what those patients regretted. The most common regret she heard was, “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”  

Isn’t that interesting? She found that when people neared the end of life, it was easy for them to see how many of their dreams had gone unfulfilled.

What a shame! But not a surprise.

Many things can hold us back from pursuing our dreams. In my coaching practice, I encounter all kinds of dreamers: those who have given up on their dreams, those who can’t remember what their dreams are, and those who can’t get motivated or get past the fear that they won’t be able to  make their dreams come true.

So while there can be many issues, the very first step in fulfillment is clear vision.  Mark Twain summed it up when he said, “I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me …what they want.”

I suggest you take the very first step on the path toward living your best life by getting clear on what you truly want.   When your dreams come from your heart, and not from your head, your motivation provides fuel that will help you to see your dreams through to completion. When your heart is in the game, you will find a way to prevail.

If you struggle with this first step, here’s a fun exercise to get you started back on track. Can you complete the following statements?

1)      If I didn’t care what people thought I would _____________.

2)      If I were sure that I’d succeed, I would ______________.

3)      If I weren’t worried about the future, I would ____________________.

4)      The thing that has to change now is _________________________.

These four statements may begin to give you a clue of what’s really important to you.  If you find these statements difficult to answer, maybe you’ve lost touch with your dreams.  In that case, start paying attention. Notice what things get you excited about life; if you can’t find anything, start looking back into your past.  When was there a time that you felt inspired and excited?  What were you doing?  Excitement that you felt in the past can give you some great insight into what you might want to do next to get dreaming again.

Knowing your heart’s desire is only a first step, but it is a critical one. If you struggle with any part of this work, think about getting some additional support.  There is a free worksheet you can download off this site called Smart Resolution Success that gives you more guidance.  I also offer a complimentary 30-minute coaching consultation to get you started on your way.  Clients usually find that once they get clear about their dreams, it’s much easier to put together a project plan to bring them to fruition.  If you’re interested, contact me on this site, or e-mail cat@theprojectcoach.com.

I leave you with this thought from Henry David Thoreau, "If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours."

Happy New Year!  I wish you much success in all you dream, and all you do.

How can you continue to be a strong candidate for employment even when you’ve been out of work for a long time?  New York Times columnist Eileen Zimmerman interviewed several employment consultants and experts to give us some great ideas. Here’s a summary of her main points, or check out the full article here: 

1) Keep current with what’s happening in your industry.

• Maintain memberships in relevant industry associations and consider volunteering on related committees.

• Find ways to give back to the people in your network who are helping you – by sharing relevant articles or knowledge about professional opportunities so that your relationships remain two-sided and win-win.

2) Maintain professional certifications, credentials and licenses and involve yourself
     in activities that use your professional skills.

• Take temporary or part-time work in your industry if possible, or do unpaid volunteer work for nonprofits or charitable organizations to make sure you to stay up-to-date professionally.

• Consider starting your own consulting firm and landing at least a few jobs (large or small) that you can add to your resume and discuss during interviews.

3) Don’t try to hide gaps on your resume, but do emphasize the positive.  

• While reorganizing your resume in an attempt to hide gaps won’t fool anyone, some tactics will help to accentuate the positive.  For example, using a “Skills Summary” to lead off the resume rather than “Experience” may reduce visual focus on date gaps.

• Change the header “Work Experience” to “Experience” so it is easier to include volunteer work as well as paid gigs (clarifying which is which) on your resume. 

• Quantify results and show how you contributed to the growth and success of an organization, regardless of whether the work was volunteer or paid.

4) Be straightforward about the loss of previous employment.

• When interviewing, be ready to share the story of your job loss, regardless of whether your previous position wasn’t a good fit anymore, or if it was a layoff. Frame the situation in the best light possible without being dishonest.   Remember that fudging the truth and getting caught would not bode well for you.

5) Be specific about the position you are applying for during an interview.

• To avoid looking like someone who doesn’t know what they want, be clear about what position you are seeking.  According to Elena Bajic, founder and C.E.O. of Ivy Exec, a recruitment service in New York, if you were a marketing manager, for example, rather than saying you want to work in any marketing capacity, it’s better to be more specific. Employers don’t want to hire someone into a job that’s not a good fit and have them leave as soon as something more appropriate comes along.  Ms. Bajic says employers aren’t looking for just any match, “They are looking for the right one.”

Good luck with your job-hunt and keep the faith!

You can access the original NYT’s article here.

Early in my career, one of my bosses said, “Remember Catherine, the people you work with are not your friends.”  The irony of that is that she and I have been close friends for almost 20 years now!  And, although you can and will make great friendships at work, I have come to better understand the wisdom of her words over the years.

As we all know, much of our life is spent at work.  So, if we can’t be friendly with our coworkers, life could get pretty dull. Not only that, but getting things done at work often requires teamwork.  So, how to relate with coworkers on a personal basis takes some thought.  After all, at work, others judge your performance. You are paid to support the organization and its success, not to build a network of friends.  Luckily, one often can do both. From your employer’s perspective, you are being assessed on your ability to improve results and get along with others. So how can you enjoy friendships and still maintain a professional demeanor?

Remember, at work, its business first. While you want to enjoy your coworkers, each of you has a work agenda and you may not always agree.  Often, it’s not a problem when you and your coworker’s agendas match up, but inevitably, your agenda will be at cross-purposes with someone else’s at the workplace.  It may not always be fair or fun, but in life, that’s how it goes. 

So, here are some tips for navigating the world of workplace friendships.  (I’ve included some ideas from a blog post by career expert Heather R. Huhman on Glassdoor.com since her article inspired me to write on this topic. Check it out!)

• Strive to work well with others:  Treat people with respect, negotiate in good faith, deliver on your promises and avoid surprises. In short, act with integrity. It engenders trust.  Feel free to share some laughs, but don’t forget why you are at work.  This is business and today’s ally may be tomorrow’s competitor. 

• Remain appropriate and professional. Be mindful of what you share about your personal life with your co-workers. There is a reason that the expression “TMI”, (aka “too much information”) was invented. Are you sharing something about yourself that a coworker really needs to know?  Will it make their day or their workweek better and/or improve your working relationship? If not, you may want to keep it to yourself.

• Get your work done and do it well.  Remember why you were hired. You have deadlines for a reason, so don’t get distracted and spend all your productive hours socializing.

• Watch your language. Don’t gossip and speak badly about other workers. Keep conversations positive to help boost workplace morale. This guideline may also limit your downside when and if your coworker is not as resistant to spreading gossip as you are.

• Set boundaries in direct reporting relationships. A friendship with your boss or your subordinate can be warm and fun, as long as it is respectful and appropriate.  Remember, at some point, you will have either to receive or give a performance evaluation. Don’t set yourself up for an uncomfortable situation.

• Be a good communicator.  Many conflicts arise because of poor communication.   We all want to believe we will never be involved in a workplace conflict, but that’s not realistic. When conflicts arise, handle them maturely.  Focus on issues and behaviors and don’t get personal.  Use effective communication tools and do your best to work things out.   Consider the long-term results of any disagreement. You probably don’t want to ruin a friendship, a good working relationship or get yourself fired.

• Have lunch together. Having lunch with coworkers allows you time to be more personal without compromising productivity. From time to time, dinner may also be appropriate; however, I believe that any after hour meeting are optional.  Use your best judgment as to how much time you want to spend with coworkers outside of the office - that time is yours.

To read the Heather R. Huhman’s blogpost that inspired and contributed to this discussion, check it out on Glassdoor.com  at  http://www.glassdoor.com/blog/guide-workplace-friendships/#disqus_thread

Good luck and may you enjoy a hassle free and friendly work environment.

Which statement is more compelling? 

“Responsible for advertising” or

“Reduced advertising expense 20% using customer data analysis while improving sales by 5%.”

Although both statements may have a place on your resume, using specific examples on your resume to provide concrete proof of how you’ve contributed to the success of past employers is critical.  

Your resume is not a laundry list of all the stuff you have done. It needs to show how well you fit with what the hiring company is looking for. Once you are clear about what skills and accomplishments are needed in the position for which you are applying, determine where and how your achievements match up. Highlight the skills and results that best demonstrate your track record of delivering the kinds of things they expect. 

Think about your experience this way:

1. What is this company looking for from this position? What situations/problems or goals have you worked on in the past that are similar?

2. What action did you personally take to improve or ameliorate the issue(s)? 

3. How did your action(s) positively affect the company?  Were there savings, improvements or increased profits?

Once you have a few examples of how your efforts made a difference in the past, pepper your resume with specific achievements that show how you made a difference.   You can also include results from volunteer positions if they demonstrate your ability in ways that match up to this employer’s needs.   Of course you shouldn’t fabricate, but do think about ways you can measure your contributions. Use numbers or descriptive language when you can.

Here are some examples you might consider:

• Corrected an internal problem

• Improved a service or a product

• Improved the appearance or usability of an item

• Increased membership or attendance

• Increased business

• Reduced errors

• Innovated new ways to get information, get things done

• Avoided a problem

• Saved money or time

• Increased awareness of the company, a service or a product

• Created, met or improved standards

• Devised or streamlined a system

• Increased customer satisfaction.

Think about it. A company wants to reduce its hiring risk. If you are a candidate who provides proof of your skills by using concrete, targeted examples (like mini case studies), you can increase the likelihood that you will get noticed - and hired.