Project U. Blog

The Will of the Warrior

Posted by Catherine Saar on Sat, Apr 20, 2013 @ 11:47 AM

flower

It is a quiet, rainy Saturday morning in Boston after a surreal week of explosions, lock downs and manhunts. In just a few short days, we have mourned the loss of innocence on what started as a celebratory day, grieved the senseless suffering of those killed and wounded in vicious violence and started taking steps to closure by capturing the perpetrators, so we can ask, “Why?”

Meanwhile, having spent a day alone in my home, (asked by authorities not to venture outside), I had time to wonder, “How can I protect myself and the people I love from this kind of pain and suffering in the future?”

Sadly, I cannot.  And I also will not live in constant fear and anger.  What kind of life would that be?

So what is the answer? How can we feel safe and happy when there is no guarantee against affliction, danger, illness, financial ruin, betrayal and unkindness?

I knew that I had found my truth when my answer resulted in a sense of overwhelming calm and safety: I can be a peaceful warrior in my own life. I can trust that whatever comes my way, (and something usually does) I can handle it.  I will find the strength and the help I need to carry-on. I will do the best I can.  Maybe it won’t be what I hoped for, but it will be enough. 

To that end, it occurred to me that feeling capable was only the first step.  If I want to increase the likelihood of triumph, I would have to prepare.  Just like an athlete, a warrior must train to be battle-ready.   So I developed a plan. I call it:

“WILL OF THE WARRIOR”
  1. I will honor my physical body by eating well, resting, getting exercise and making good decisions about what I do with it and where I put it.

  2. I will feel my emotions and release them.  I will not necessarily act on every one, but will use them as information to help me understand what I want and what I need, seeking productive ways to communicate clearly and interact with others.

  3. I will consider other’s needs as no more or no less important than my own when creating solutions to shared problems.

  4. I will take responsibility for my own life and not try to run the lives of others, or to manipulate outcomes.

  5. I will do my best to bring my best to every situation.

  6. I will live honestly and with integrity. 

  7. I will keep my promises and not make promises that I know I can’t keep.

  8. I will take responsibility and seek to make amends when I make a mistake or commit a wrong-doing.

  9. I will treat myself and others with kindness and respect.  I will do this even if they do not reciprocate, simply because that is how I want to be in the world.

  10. I will focus on what I have, not what I don’t have.  I will take time to be grateful every day for the love, the beauty and the freedom that is available to me in my life.

  11. I will seek to clarify, understand, and avoid judging myself and others, and in so-doing, eliminate the habit of blaming, labeling or shaming myself and others.

  12. I will seek to live in this moment and not dwell in the past, which is done, nor in the future, which is yet to come.

  13. I will do my share to help others to learn the joy and challenge of taking care of themselves and managing their own lives.

  14. I will take right action and give up my attachment to outcome.

  15. I will do my best to cultivate love and kindness toward myself and others, and when I feel I cannot, I will ask myself, why not?

My fellow warriors, what will you do?

 

Tags: kindness, explosions, manhunt, warrior, safe, betrayal, love, grateful, calm, respect, integrity, fear, Boston, closure, safety, battle, honor, honestly, trust, truth, protect, loss of innocence, violence

Successful New Year’s Resolutions Start with Clarity

Posted by Catherine Saar on Fri, Dec 28, 2012 @ 07:23 AM
Clarity

Success is not an accident.  In a survey of thousands of successful people, the top 10 percent most successful said that they thought about their dream all the time, and took steps daily to make it happen.  After all, can you get somewhere if you don’t know where you’re going?  Having a clear vision and clear goals is essential to your journey.

Take a moment and think about something you’ve accomplished in your life that makes you feel good and proud.

How did you make it happen?          

My guess is that for most of you, it started with an intention or an idea. Chances are, you accomplished your goal because you knew what you wanted, and why you wanted it.  Whatever it was, whether it was losing weight, writing a book, or starting a business, it probably started with a desire and the motivation to achieve your dream, your vision.

So what dream have you yet to realize? In an article by author Bronnie Ware,  a nurse who worked with patients during the last three to twelve weeks of their lives, she documented what those patients regretted. The most common regret she heard was, “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”  

Isn’t that interesting? She found that when people neared the end of life, it was easy for them to see how many of their dreams had gone unfulfilled.

What a shame! But not a surprise.

Many things can hold us back from pursuing our dreams. In my coaching practice, I encounter all kinds of dreamers: those who have given up on their dreams, those who can’t remember what their dreams are, and those who can’t get motivated or get past the fear that they won’t be able to  make their dreams come true.

So while there can be many issues, the very first step in fulfillment is clear vision.  Mark Twain summed it up when he said, “I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me …what they want.”

I suggest you take the very first step on the path toward living your best life by getting clear on what you truly want.   When your dreams come from your heart, and not from your head, your motivation provides fuel that will help you to see your dreams through to completion. When your heart is in the game, you will find a way to prevail.

If you struggle with this first step, here’s a fun exercise to get you started back on track. Can you complete the following statements?

1)      If I didn’t care what people thought I would _____________.

2)      If I were sure that I’d succeed, I would ______________.

3)      If I weren’t worried about the future, I would ____________________.

4)      The thing that has to change now is _________________________.

These four statements may begin to give you a clue of what’s really important to you.  If you find these statements difficult to answer, maybe you’ve lost touch with your dreams.  In that case, start paying attention. Notice what things get you excited about life; if you can’t find anything, start looking back into your past.  When was there a time that you felt inspired and excited?  What were you doing?  Excitement that you felt in the past can give you some great insight into what you might want to do next to get dreaming again.

Knowing your heart’s desire is only a first step, but it is a critical one. If you struggle with any part of this work, think about getting some additional support.  There is a free worksheet you can download off this site called Smart Resolution Success that gives you more guidance.  I also offer a complimentary 30-minute coaching consultation to get you started on your way.  Clients usually find that once they get clear about their dreams, it’s much easier to put together a project plan to bring them to fruition.  If you’re interested, contact me on this site, or e-mail cat@theprojectcoach.com.

I leave you with this thought from Henry David Thoreau, "If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours."

Happy New Year!  I wish you much success in all you dream, and all you do.


Tags: coaching, heart, clarity, success, change, intention, losing weight, writing a book, complimentary, consultation, dream, succeed, motivation, fear, accomplished, Bronnie Ware, common regret, live a life true to myself, Mark Twain, worried, future, New Years Resolutions, vision, goals, starting a business, courage, inspired, Henry David Thoreau

How Do You Stop A Crazed Gunman?

Posted by Catherine Saar on Thu, Dec 20, 2012 @ 06:46 AM

This week, as I mourned the horrendous loss of life in the Connecticut school shooting along with the rest of the country, I asked myself this question many times, “How do you stop a crazed gunman?” Sadly, the answer seems to be, you probably can’t.  By the time he is holding the gun, the time to stop him or her, has passed.  But that answer doesn’t satisfy my heart and so I continue to seek a response, a course of action so that I may begin to heal my grief with hope.

I believe that while we may not be able to stop a crazed gunman, we may be able to help the child that might otherwise become that gunman.  Inside all of us is a child, a child who may have been bullied, who may have had problems, been traumatized, or who may have been overlooked and passed over and passed along in our system.

Somehow, we have got to take better care of our children, and perhaps that starts by taking better care of ourselves.  Perhaps we need to take an extra moment out of our day to be kinder to ourselves, and then to others.  Perhaps we should stop and help, even when it would be much easier on us and on our hectic schedules to keep on going.

Perhaps I can take a moment to notice and acknowledge the challenges facing another human being.  I can smile.  I can say please and thank you.  I can greet another person with kindness and acknowledge our shared humanity, whether it is a homeless person, the cleaner at the gym or the assistant at my office.   I can take time to call and check on an elderly friend and lend an empathetic ear.

I think I’m a decent person, and yet, I know I can be better.  I can find ways to voice my opposition to injustice I can open my heart not just to my family, but also to the family of man.  I can stop asking, “What’s wrong with this world? And start asking, “What’s right with this world, and how can I be a part of it? “

I can question myself when I feel jealousy, resentment, fear or hatred.  I can get help to understand those feelings, and in turn, help others, especially our children, to understand their feelings – and to cope with them. I can find ways to heal myself, through prayer, yoga, meditation, nonviolent communication and community.  I can reach out.  I may not be able to save the world, but I can be more loving every day, to myself and to others.

I owe it to those innocent children in Connecticut to not just wonder how such horror can occur, but also to wonder what might we do collectively, and individually to change the things in our world that don’t support  the mentally ill, and the children who are suffering from trauma and other kinds of wounds.  Maybe that includes better gun control, maybe that includes locking down our schools, but I also believe it means helping people to love themselves – and each other more. How can we support each other so that we can be well in body, mind and spirit?  How do we work toward loving inclusion, embrace and assist those who are less fortunate or different from ourselves?

How do I become an instrument of good works and positive change?

We may not have all the answers, but I believe that if we keep asking the right questions and seek to live with love, respect, kindness and make wellness a priority over video games as babysitters, more possessions, climbing the corporate ladder and a million other distractions that keep us from putting our children and our souls first, then we can and will change the world.   It is my only hope.

This post originally appeared in my "personal blog" www.7layerliving.com on Monday, December  17, 2012.

Tags: nonviolent communication, wellness, loving, spirit, resentment, feal, hope, injustice, jealousy, kinder, body, mind, meditation, support, fear, bullied, gunman, inclusion, innocent, prayer, community, hatred, humanity, feelings

Use Feelings to Get What You Want

Posted by Catherine Saar on Tue, Mar 20, 2012 @ 04:01 PM

angry iStock 000013039593XSmallFeelings are not facts, but they contain excellent information, so it’s valuable to experience them – even the uncomfortable ones.  You may think you can ignore bad feelings, but that won’t make them go away.  Instead, they typically turn inward or outward, and surface at inappropriate times for unrelated reasons.  So when you start sobbing uncontrollably during a commercial, or you get super angry when the person in front of you at the supermarket isn’t moving fast enough, chances are, your suppressed feelings are making a jailbreak.   

Having been a person who attempted to ignore my negative emotions by being overly busy, exercising and overindulging in food, I finally figured out the key to acknowledging my feelings: I notice them, but I don’t act on them until I know what they are trying to tell me.  Before I react, I ask questions. I get curious.  

Anger is a great example. When I get angry, rather than yelling or blurting out the first thing that comes to mind, I notice it. I breathe into it.  It’s a bit uncomfortable.  Sometimes I feel it in my body as a churning in the stomach.  What am I angry about?  What thought is causing that feeling?   Is it true, or is it a story?  What is the story I am telling myself?  What is it that I really need? Once I can identify what I want, (and usually it’s not punching the other person in the nose or bruising his or her ego), I can calmly express myself to the other person, or find a way to independently fulfill my needs.   Once my feelings are felt and understood, I take appropriate action, life goes on – and I get relief.  Even better, relationships stay intact! 

Fear is another emotion that can stop you in your tracks. Sometimes, that’s a good thing. Fear is meant to protect us. After all, you should be afraid of getting too close to a hungry mountain lion. On the other hand, much of the fear we experience in modern day life is created in our minds.  

Let’s say for example, that you hate your job and you desperately want to quit, but you’re afraid that you won’t get another one.  Is that really true?  How do you know? Your fear indicates that you anticipate a negative outcome. Rather than ignore that thought, can you transform it into positive action? Try breaking your fear down into understandable pieces and turning it into to-do steps that lead you to your heart’s desire.  In the example above, you might make a list that includes doing research, networking, getting training, saving money so you can quit, and updating your resume. 

In short, get curious about your feelings. Don’t just stuff them and don’t feel compelled to react to them right away.  Yes, it can be uncomfortable, but it won’t kill you.  Feelings give you the opportunity to understand what you need and to examine what you’re thinking.  It’s worth it.  The first step to getting what you want, is knowing what that is.  Feelings, especially the hard ones, can be your guide.

Tags: supressed feelings, guide, resume, fear, overindulging, networking, quit, anger, job, relationships, negative emotions, angry, protect, getting what you want

Are You Done, NOW WHAT?

Posted by Catherine Saar on Thu, Sep 08, 2011 @ 03:39 PM

A common question I hear from coaching clients is, “Why can’t I make a decision?”   Frequently, the answer is, because you are not ready. Either you need more information or you need to deal with the root cause of what is holding you back – like fear.   Rest assured, you will make a decision when you are ready to make it.  Usually, your gut knows when it’s time, like the gal in my video “Done”.  Often, you will commit to take action once the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of making a change.

For most people who have decided, or who are in the process of deciding whether to make a big change, small steps are a good way to start, especially if the change is a scary one.  For example, if you suddenly want to change your career, you might not want to quit your job until you have done a little research and possibly some preparation.  Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. I hear many stories about people who just up and quit and do very well for themselves, but if you are not one of those personalities, then here’s a process for you to consider:

1) Create a vision of your outcome or goal.  See it in your mind’s eye as if it is already real.  Tap into the feeling of already having what you want: joy, satisfaction, thinness, safety, whatever it is.  Keep that feeling in your pocket. Revisit it from time to time, especially during times when you need motivation.

2) Think through, brainstorm and diagram all the steps you can take to get to your goal.  Consider various options and possibilities.  Try using a mind map a vision board or sticky notes…whatever works for you to map out a path.

3) Break each step or item down into small steps, and those down into even smaller steps.

4) Commit to taking consistent action on one or more of your small steps daily or weekly.  If needed, work with a buddy or a coach, and set up accountability for yourself.

5) Keep track of your progress, pat yourself on the back, and adjust your plan as needed.

Before you know it, one small step will lead to another and you will arrive at your envisioned destination.  In short, you are done - until it’s time for your next project!

Tags: coaching, vision board, mind map, commit, change, goal, decision, motivation, fear, vision, coach, brainstorm