Project U. Blog

The Will of the Warrior

Posted by Catherine Saar on Sat, Apr 20, 2013 @ 11:47 AM

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It is a quiet, rainy Saturday morning in Boston after a surreal week of explosions, lock downs and manhunts. In just a few short days, we have mourned the loss of innocence on what started as a celebratory day, grieved the senseless suffering of those killed and wounded in vicious violence and started taking steps to closure by capturing the perpetrators, so we can ask, “Why?”

Meanwhile, having spent a day alone in my home, (asked by authorities not to venture outside), I had time to wonder, “How can I protect myself and the people I love from this kind of pain and suffering in the future?”

Sadly, I cannot.  And I also will not live in constant fear and anger.  What kind of life would that be?

So what is the answer? How can we feel safe and happy when there is no guarantee against affliction, danger, illness, financial ruin, betrayal and unkindness?

I knew that I had found my truth when my answer resulted in a sense of overwhelming calm and safety: I can be a peaceful warrior in my own life. I can trust that whatever comes my way, (and something usually does) I can handle it.  I will find the strength and the help I need to carry-on. I will do the best I can.  Maybe it won’t be what I hoped for, but it will be enough. 

To that end, it occurred to me that feeling capable was only the first step.  If I want to increase the likelihood of triumph, I would have to prepare.  Just like an athlete, a warrior must train to be battle-ready.   So I developed a plan. I call it:

“WILL OF THE WARRIOR”
  1. I will honor my physical body by eating well, resting, getting exercise and making good decisions about what I do with it and where I put it.

  2. I will feel my emotions and release them.  I will not necessarily act on every one, but will use them as information to help me understand what I want and what I need, seeking productive ways to communicate clearly and interact with others.

  3. I will consider other’s needs as no more or no less important than my own when creating solutions to shared problems.

  4. I will take responsibility for my own life and not try to run the lives of others, or to manipulate outcomes.

  5. I will do my best to bring my best to every situation.

  6. I will live honestly and with integrity. 

  7. I will keep my promises and not make promises that I know I can’t keep.

  8. I will take responsibility and seek to make amends when I make a mistake or commit a wrong-doing.

  9. I will treat myself and others with kindness and respect.  I will do this even if they do not reciprocate, simply because that is how I want to be in the world.

  10. I will focus on what I have, not what I don’t have.  I will take time to be grateful every day for the love, the beauty and the freedom that is available to me in my life.

  11. I will seek to clarify, understand, and avoid judging myself and others, and in so-doing, eliminate the habit of blaming, labeling or shaming myself and others.

  12. I will seek to live in this moment and not dwell in the past, which is done, nor in the future, which is yet to come.

  13. I will do my share to help others to learn the joy and challenge of taking care of themselves and managing their own lives.

  14. I will take right action and give up my attachment to outcome.

  15. I will do my best to cultivate love and kindness toward myself and others, and when I feel I cannot, I will ask myself, why not?

My fellow warriors, what will you do?

 

Tags: kindness, explosions, manhunt, warrior, safe, betrayal, love, grateful, calm, respect, integrity, fear, Boston, closure, safety, battle, honor, honestly, trust, truth, protect, loss of innocence, violence

Use Feelings to Get What You Want

Posted by Catherine Saar on Tue, Mar 20, 2012 @ 04:01 PM

angry iStock 000013039593XSmallFeelings are not facts, but they contain excellent information, so it’s valuable to experience them – even the uncomfortable ones.  You may think you can ignore bad feelings, but that won’t make them go away.  Instead, they typically turn inward or outward, and surface at inappropriate times for unrelated reasons.  So when you start sobbing uncontrollably during a commercial, or you get super angry when the person in front of you at the supermarket isn’t moving fast enough, chances are, your suppressed feelings are making a jailbreak.   

Having been a person who attempted to ignore my negative emotions by being overly busy, exercising and overindulging in food, I finally figured out the key to acknowledging my feelings: I notice them, but I don’t act on them until I know what they are trying to tell me.  Before I react, I ask questions. I get curious.  

Anger is a great example. When I get angry, rather than yelling or blurting out the first thing that comes to mind, I notice it. I breathe into it.  It’s a bit uncomfortable.  Sometimes I feel it in my body as a churning in the stomach.  What am I angry about?  What thought is causing that feeling?   Is it true, or is it a story?  What is the story I am telling myself?  What is it that I really need? Once I can identify what I want, (and usually it’s not punching the other person in the nose or bruising his or her ego), I can calmly express myself to the other person, or find a way to independently fulfill my needs.   Once my feelings are felt and understood, I take appropriate action, life goes on – and I get relief.  Even better, relationships stay intact! 

Fear is another emotion that can stop you in your tracks. Sometimes, that’s a good thing. Fear is meant to protect us. After all, you should be afraid of getting too close to a hungry mountain lion. On the other hand, much of the fear we experience in modern day life is created in our minds.  

Let’s say for example, that you hate your job and you desperately want to quit, but you’re afraid that you won’t get another one.  Is that really true?  How do you know? Your fear indicates that you anticipate a negative outcome. Rather than ignore that thought, can you transform it into positive action? Try breaking your fear down into understandable pieces and turning it into to-do steps that lead you to your heart’s desire.  In the example above, you might make a list that includes doing research, networking, getting training, saving money so you can quit, and updating your resume. 

In short, get curious about your feelings. Don’t just stuff them and don’t feel compelled to react to them right away.  Yes, it can be uncomfortable, but it won’t kill you.  Feelings give you the opportunity to understand what you need and to examine what you’re thinking.  It’s worth it.  The first step to getting what you want, is knowing what that is.  Feelings, especially the hard ones, can be your guide.

Tags: supressed feelings, guide, resume, fear, overindulging, networking, quit, anger, job, relationships, negative emotions, angry, protect, getting what you want