Project U. Blog

How We Fail

Posted by Catherine Saar on Tue, Jul 30, 2013 @ 09:02 AM

failurepic“If you were sure you would succeed, what would you do in your life?”  is a question that almost always provokes a very clear and meaningful answer from coaching clients who say they feel stuck and they aren’t sure what they want.

This no longer surprises me.  Somehow, taking the possibility of failure out of the equation frees us to dream and to dream big.  It happens time and time again, because in short, most of us are afraid to fail.  It is astonishing how a four-letter word can wield so much power over our lives.

Perhaps it is a stigma that we start learning in grade school that comes with the fear of failing to pass a subject or a test.  These early encounters teach us the habit of imprisoning ourselves with terror and shame should we be called out for failing.  I prefer to frame the word according to actor Gary Bussey’s definition: “You know what 'FAILING' stands for? It stands for 'Finding An Important Lesson, Inviting Needed Growth.”  

When I think about what it means to fail, I think Bussey is right.  Isn’t trying and failing and then trying again how we learn our most basic and meaningful lessons, like walking, talking and riding a bike?

Certainly, when we are learning a new sport and we make mistakes, we don’t consider ourselves to be failures. We expect that we will keep working and honing our skills – or we may decide that we don’t have any skill in a particular sport or a subject and we will try something else.  Its’ all a learning process that we readily accept – and yet, when the stakes get higher, like when we are pursuing a lifelong dream, so often the dread and anxiety of failure keeps us from moving forward.

So when we conceive of the word “failure” as a shameful label it seems to assume that we only get a limited number of tries at something or that there is only one acceptable solution.  It gives us no credit for learning and for gaining valuable experience over time. 

To that end, can we reframe how we use the word “fail”?  What would it be like to strike the word from our vocabulary?  Imagine if our report cards could say, “incomplete knowledge “when we don’t pass a subject or a test.  Or, maybe they could say, “more progress required for completion. “

For me that approach feels more motivating.  Suddenly, “I’m no good at math,” becomes – “Maybe I can go back and explore that subject in a different way.” The language shift offers us an invitation to continue to pursue, rather than shaming us into hiding and hopelessness.

And I also realize that you may be one of those folks who openly embrace failure.   That is awesome! Perhaps you can be a role model for the rest of us.  According to Inventor Thomas Edison, “Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

My hope is that you won’t be one of the people that Edison is talking about.  Keep the faith.  Giving-up is how we fail. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tags: anxiety, coaching, Gary Bussey, Thomas Edison, giving up, failing, lessons, dread, motivating, power, stuck, dream, succeed, shameful, hopelessness, progress, fail, failure

"SMART" Resolutions Create Success

Posted by Catherine Saar on Thu, Dec 29, 2011 @ 02:32 PM

What do you want to accomplish for yourself in the New Year?  Even though making new years champagne iStock 000018550149XSmallresolutions is a good start, it’s not enough.  Getting results requires motivation and action.  Most of the time, we have a vague notion of what we want and absolutely no plan for getting there.  Is it any wonder that we fail? So how can you be more effective this time?

1) What’s your motivation?  First and foremost, answer this question:  WHY is it important for you to make this resolution happen?  A clear motivation will keep you going on the tough days.  Can you see the difference between saying, “I want to lose 15 pounds,” and saying, “I want to look hot, hot, hot at my 20th reunion in June –so I’m going to lose 15 pounds!”  One is only a goal, the other, is a motivation with a goal attached.

2) Turn resolutions into “SMART” goals that are specific, measureable, actionable, realistic and time-oriented.  Once you know what you want and why you want it, get specific.  Don’t just say I want to increase my income so I can afford a new car.  Specify how much more you are going to earn, and create a do-able plan for how you are going to make it happen.  Here’s an example of how you can break a resolution down into SMART goals:

  • Specific- Exactly what do you want?

    • I want to make $15,000 more by the end of 2012.

  • Measurable- How much and by when?

    • By May 1, I want to consistently earn  $500 more a week for the remainder of the year

  • Actionable– Can it be done? 

    • Can I increase my income by $500 per week starting in the first week of May? (I have the time to invest so it seems do-able if I implement a marketing plan early in the year.)

  • Realistic– Are you confident that you can take the necessary action?

    • I can add five client hours per week at $100 per hour and I can create and implement a marketing campaign no later than February 15th.

  • Time-Oriented– What will you do when?

    • Each week I will invest four “unpaid” hours in marketing and five more hours in client work to get to $15,000 or more by end of the year.

3) Manage obstacles.  You will face obstacles – we all do.  Sometimes obstacles live in your mind – like fear of the unknown.  Sometimes, they will be real, for example, you might need resources, information or time.  Brainstorm your obstacles.  How might you deal with them?  Who or what can help you?  Don’t be afraid of obstacles.  Work through them.

4) Return to your motivation.  Know that you will have difficult moments. Every time you feel like giving up, think about the outcome: how you will look and feel driving a brand new shiny, dependable car, or how great you will feel when you look fabulous at your reunion.  Keep your vision in mind – or draw a picture and post it. Re-work your plan if need be.  Set new, additional goals  weekly and measure your progress.

5) Congratulate yourself for everything you do.  Every step toward your goal is progress.  Focus on what you achieve, not what you haven’t done!

So, have fun writing resolutions, but if you want to get them done, make sure you have a plan and make sure you don’t blow yourself out of the water by creating goals that are unrealistic or unattainable.  Small and steady can win the race. 

DOWNLOAD a SMART RESOLUTION SUCCESS WORKSHEET now, to help you realize your dreams in 2012!  

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Tags: dreams, goal, SMART, accomplish, motivation, create success, manage obstacles, download, free worksheet, vision, progress, realistic, achieve, win, plan, new year resolutions, measurable, congratulate

Focus is Key to Achieving Your Goals

Posted by Catherine Saar on Wed, Sep 28, 2011 @ 12:50 PM

We often get stuck when we put our focus on the things that we can’t or didn’t do. The key to getting unstuck is to focus on what we can do. For example:

Even if you can’t lose twenty pounds by tomorrow, you can start eating less and moving more.

Maybe you can’t fix all your problems today, but you can begin to solve each problem, one-step at a time.

While you can’t change the way people behave, you can change the way you react.

Perhaps you can’t reform the government, but you can write a letter, vote and support the causes you believe in.

Action leads to progress, so don’t get stuck in a negative vacuum by focusing on what you can’t do. Make a decision about what you can do and do it.  Taking even one small step will move you closer to your dream.

Tags: Achieving goals, action, dream, small step, progress