Project U. Blog

Listen to the Whisper of Your Soul

Posted by Catherine Saar on Thu, Feb 07, 2019 @ 02:10 PM

After attending Stanford University, and working in finance I decided to get my MBA so I could move into marketing, because that felt more like me. I enjoyed marketing more than finance, but I especially enjoyed mentoring and coaching people and helping them to manage through challenging, high conflict situations, like some of what you find in franchise organizations. I also discovered a passion for innovating and facilitating change. With a deep drive to create better outcomes for organizations, and the people in them, I innovated ways to successfully implement large-scale projects that optimized successful adoption of these programs.

Sadly, at the time, there was an old-school definition of leadership in several of the places I worked. When I collaborated with stakeholders, I was scolded for “compromising”, which to me was actually partnering in order to search for best outcomes. I was told never to admit that I made a mistake, even when I did. That felt wrong to me. I wanted to take accountability for my projects, and to lead with transparency. How could anyone trust me if I shirked off the truth and blamed someone else? I AM NOW

And yet, these were the lessons being offered to me. When I didn’t do them, I was called a “Pollyanna.” I continued to go against the grain and to follow my intuition. I collaborated, I listened, I told the truth, and I offered transparency. And amazingly enough, my projects were very successful. In other words, they were well executed and got great results. People trusted me, called me a straight shooter and believed I had their best interests at heart. But along the way, there was a price to pay. Supervisors criticized me, until my results proved that my approach was working. Sadly, the situation caused me to second-guess myself. Here were my bosses telling me that I was doing it all wrong, that I was weak. There was a part of me that believed them. But the whispering of my soul was too strong. I had to do it my way. And luckily it worked. Even better, many companies today are embracing a more authentic approach to leadership, encouraging engagement with employees and stakeholders with "power with” versus "power over. "

Experiencing and overcoming my own struggles in work and life led me to want to support others as a coach. Helping others to navigate their work and personal lives has become my passion: empowering people to align with their soul so that their journey can be authentic and sweet. Sometimes we need support to know that we are okay, that our perspective matters and that we are not wrong, or flawed. That is now my work: to help people hear the whisper of their souls so their life and their work can be as it was intended: happier, more meaningful and satisfying.

 

Tags: conflict, power, align, coach, authentic, passion, leadership, franchise, transparency, intuition, accountability, engagement, facilitating

How We Fail

Posted by Catherine Saar on Tue, Jul 30, 2013 @ 09:02 AM

failurepic“If you were sure you would succeed, what would you do in your life?”  is a question that almost always provokes a very clear and meaningful answer from coaching clients who say they feel stuck and they aren’t sure what they want.

This no longer surprises me.  Somehow, taking the possibility of failure out of the equation frees us to dream and to dream big.  It happens time and time again, because in short, most of us are afraid to fail.  It is astonishing how a four-letter word can wield so much power over our lives.

Perhaps it is a stigma that we start learning in grade school that comes with the fear of failing to pass a subject or a test.  These early encounters teach us the habit of imprisoning ourselves with terror and shame should we be called out for failing.  I prefer to frame the word according to actor Gary Bussey’s definition: “You know what 'FAILING' stands for? It stands for 'Finding An Important Lesson, Inviting Needed Growth.”  

When I think about what it means to fail, I think Bussey is right.  Isn’t trying and failing and then trying again how we learn our most basic and meaningful lessons, like walking, talking and riding a bike?

Certainly, when we are learning a new sport and we make mistakes, we don’t consider ourselves to be failures. We expect that we will keep working and honing our skills – or we may decide that we don’t have any skill in a particular sport or a subject and we will try something else.  Its’ all a learning process that we readily accept – and yet, when the stakes get higher, like when we are pursuing a lifelong dream, so often the dread and anxiety of failure keeps us from moving forward.

So when we conceive of the word “failure” as a shameful label it seems to assume that we only get a limited number of tries at something or that there is only one acceptable solution.  It gives us no credit for learning and for gaining valuable experience over time. 

To that end, can we reframe how we use the word “fail”?  What would it be like to strike the word from our vocabulary?  Imagine if our report cards could say, “incomplete knowledge “when we don’t pass a subject or a test.  Or, maybe they could say, “more progress required for completion. “

For me that approach feels more motivating.  Suddenly, “I’m no good at math,” becomes – “Maybe I can go back and explore that subject in a different way.” The language shift offers us an invitation to continue to pursue, rather than shaming us into hiding and hopelessness.

And I also realize that you may be one of those folks who openly embrace failure.   That is awesome! Perhaps you can be a role model for the rest of us.  According to Inventor Thomas Edison, “Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

My hope is that you won’t be one of the people that Edison is talking about.  Keep the faith.  Giving-up is how we fail. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tags: anxiety, coaching, Gary Bussey, Thomas Edison, giving up, failing, lessons, dread, motivating, power, stuck, dream, succeed, shameful, hopelessness, progress, fail, failure

How Words Can Change Your Destiny

Posted by Catherine Saar on Fri, Sep 07, 2012 @ 10:42 AM

I’ve decided that the old nursery rhyme, “Stickssticks and stones reframed and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me,” is dead wrong.  Words have power.  They affect us to our core.  Consider the power of “I’m sorry,” and “I love you,” or “You’re a screw-up.” Think about the power of a parent who says to the child, “I believe in you.” Also, consider the impact on the child who never hears those words from a caring adult. 

As children, our world is greatly influenced by the words of parents, siblings, friends and teachers. Their words become the fabric of our self-definition.  If momma said you were stupid and clumsy, why would you believe anything different? If teacher said you were lazy or irresponsible, why wouldn’t you take his word for it?

As adults, we have the opportunity to rediscover and reclaim who we are. As shocking as it is, maybe mom and dad were inaccurate about how they characterized us. An important part of reclaiming our true selves is to become aware of the words we use to describe ourselves to ourselves.  Although we cannot always choose the words that others say to us, we can choose the words we use. Ask yourself, are you choosing your words, or are you in default mode? 

Start by noticing if you are compassionate with yourself, or if instead you have a habit of using old labels that no longer serve you.  Do you describe yourself as “fragile”, “weak”, or “not very good at x?”   Why?   Perhaps there are more positive ways to understand yourself. Maybe “fragility” (for example,) is a label that is less descriptive, and less accurate than a word like “empathic” to describe your behavior. By reframing your self-description, you suddenly create access to your unique character and can put it to work as an asset rather than claim it as a liability.  Another example: perhaps “weak” is a self-berating label that poorly describes the fact that you are considerate of other’s needs - and that you don’t always need to have your own way.  In fact, rather than seeing yourself as a lousy negotiator, you may find you are a natural facilitator and collaborator!

My experience is that shaming, blaming or labeling oneself (and others) is not helpful, nor is it motivational.  Beating myself up and/or blaming others doesn’t translate into a more beneficial outcome. Instead of inspiring action, it keeps me stuck in a prison of self-loathing and low self-esteem.  On the other hand, when I replace judgment with compassion and curiosity (acting a bit like a scientist) I can more easily leverage my natural abilities.  This approach helps me to accept and appreciate myself, and then to decide if there is anything that I want to change.  For example, I might think, “Gee, I really overreacted.  What caused me to act or to feel that way? What does that tell me?  Is there an action I can take, or a thought I can reframe to improve the situation?  What will feel better? How do I get there?”

In short, if you feel stuck and want to lead a more joyful life, start by being kind with the words you say to yourself.  Can you identify and discard the vestiges of childhood labels?  Try talking to yourself as if you were speaking to a good friend.  Show compassion.  Look for what is good.

I leave you with this quote from freethechildren.org:

“Be careful of your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words. Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions. Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits. Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character. Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny.”

Tags: motivational, hurt, empathic, destiny, compassion, fragile, shaming, blaming, curiosity, power, true selves, weak, liability, stuck, self-loathing, reframing, labeling, low self-esteem, natural abilities, joyful life