Project U. Blog

It is a quiet, rainy Saturday morning in Boston after a surreal week of explosions, lock downs and manhunts. In just a few short days, we have mourned the loss of innocence on what started as a celebratory day, grieved the senseless suffering of those killed and wounded in vicious violence and started taking steps to closure by capturing the perpetrators, so we can ask, “Why?”

Meanwhile, having spent a day alone in my home, (asked by authorities not to venture outside), I had time to wonder, “How can I protect myself and the people I love from this kind of pain and suffering in the future?”

Sadly, I cannot.  And I also will not live in constant fear and anger.  What kind of life would that be?

So what is the answer? How can we feel safe and happy when there is no guarantee against affliction, danger, illness, financial ruin, betrayal and unkindness?

I knew that I had found my truth when my answer resulted in a sense of overwhelming calm and safety: I can be a peaceful warrior in my own life. I can trust that whatever comes my way, (and something usually does) I can handle it.  I will find the strength and the help I need to carry-on. I will do the best I can.  Maybe it won’t be what I hoped for, but it will be enough. 

To that end, it occurred to me that feeling capable was only the first step.  If I want to increase the likelihood of triumph, I would have to prepare.  Just like an athlete, a warrior must train to be battle-ready.   So I developed a plan. I call it:

“WILL OF THE WARRIOR”

1. I will honor my physical body by eating well, resting, getting exercise and making good decisions about what I do with it and where I put it.

2. I will feel my emotions and release them.  I will not necessarily act on every one, but will use them as information to help me understand what I want and what I need, seeking productive ways to communicate clearly and interact with others.

3. I will consider other’s needs as no more or no less important than my own when creating solutions to shared problems.

4. I will take responsibility for my own life and not try to run the lives of others, or to manipulate outcomes.

5. I will do my best to bring my best to every situation.

6. I will live honestly and with integrity. 

7. I will keep my promises and not make promises that I know I can’t keep.

8. I will take responsibility and seek to make amends when I make a mistake or commit a wrong-doing.

9. I will treat myself and others with kindness and respect.  I will do this even if they do not reciprocate, simply because that is how I want to be in the world.

10. I will focus on what I have, not what I don’t have.  I will take time to be grateful every day for the love, the beauty and the freedom that is available to me in my life.

11. I will seek to clarify, understand, and avoid judging myself and others, and in so-doing, eliminate the habit of blaming, labeling or shaming myself and others.

12. I will seek to live in this moment and not dwell in the past, which is done, nor in the future, which is yet to come.

13. I will do my share to help others to learn the joy and challenge of taking care of themselves and managing their own lives.

14. I will take right action and give up my attachment to outcome.

15. I will do my best to cultivate love and kindness toward myself and others, and when I feel I cannot, I will ask myself, why not?

My fellow warriors, what will you do?

After years of feeling unable to find my yoga “voice”, I recently began deepening my yoga practice and teaching. I owe that to the inspiration of Matt Sanford, a paraplegic yogi who teaches yoga to able bodied and disabled people and yoga teachers.  After attending a short workshop with him, I remembered that the power of yoga lies in deepening our awareness of the connection between our bodies and our minds, not in creating perfect poses, or in caloric reduction – (although both of those things may also occur as a result of rigorous practice).

My brief time with Matt helped me to touch the impact yoga made on me when I first began practicing.  I was a young married mother, working in corporate America, who began to find a connection to myself through my practice – not even being aware that I had become disconnected!

This is not uncommon for people who have experienced repetitive physical or emotional trauma in their lives.  And lets face it, there are way more of us who have experienced trauma than those who haven’t.  Consider caregivers and first-responders! They see trauma daily.

And here’s what I find most interesting: according to trauma research, trauma ”lives” in our bodies on a cellular level, such that certain sounds, movements, smells, sights, any number of things can act as “triggers” causing us to feel as though we are re-experiencing the event that caused our trauma.  A physical practice, like yoga or martial arts can help release the trauma on a somatic level. (You can read articles about trauma research at http://www.traumacenter.org/products/publications.php )

As human beings, we unconsciously try to protect ourselves from traumatic pain by creating a separation between our mind and our body.  We literally cut off the connection; we “dissociate”.   For example, I sometimes work with coaching clients who claim they cannot feel or cannot identify sensation in their bodies.

This is a handy device in some ways, and unfortunate in others.  When we disconnect ourselves from our somatic pain, we sometimes also disconnect ourselves from our joy – and a ton of other useful information that our bodies can provide to us.

Apparently, I unknowingly, employed this protective behavior.  There were times in my youth that I woke up on a Saturday morning and had no idea of what I wanted to do, or why. The good news is that after I started yoga in the early 90’s, I reestablished a relationship with my body.  I didn’t even realize the transformation in myself.  Looking back now at 15 years of practice, yoga has so integrated me with myself that I nearly always feel centered.  Most of the time, I can perceive what I want and what I need with ease, even under stress.

Yoga reeducated me that my body and my mind need to take care of each other – and helped me to learn how to do this.  In this way, I have developed a loving, caring friendship with myself.

In short, I feel at home in my body. I can relax there.  I no longer discern who is master and who is servant. Mind and body have become partners, cuing each other as to what the other needs and wants.  And I am grateful and joyous to return daily to my mat to calm my mind and to reaffirm its partnership with my body.