Project U. Blog

Five Tips to Get Your Goals Back on Track

Posted by Catherine Saar on Thu, Jan 29, 2015 @ 10:48 PM

It's no longer early January.  And if you are like 50% of theiStock 000042811780Small population, you are beginning to slack off on the goals you set for this year. If so, try these five tips to help get you back on track:

1)   Abandon all or nothing thinking:

Perhaps you planned to workout seven days a week, or you hoped to get a new job by February first  - and now, those goals seem unrealistic. What about revising your plan to be more doable?  So many of us set enormous expectations that set us up for failure.  If we try to do too much too quickly, we can create goals that are very difficult to achieve and to maintain. And when we don’t meet our demanding standards, we give up all together.  Consider instead, that if you are doing even 5% more toward your goal this year versus last year, you will make progress.

What about harnessing the power of small steps to kick-start your journey?  Putting effort into your goal for even 15 minutes once a week is better than doing nothing at all. You can always add incrementally over time if you want to.  Remember the tortoise and the hare?  Slow and steady may be the best way to win your race.

2)   Use Motivation to fuel willpower

Many of us think that if we just had enough willpower, we could move mountains.  What we don’t understand is how to tap into our willpower.  While you may be able to force yourself to do something for a while, if your heart isn’t in it, it’s not going to be sustainable.  Motivation is the key that unlocks our ability to make good choices in difficult moments (aka “willpower”).

If you are seeking motivation, envision what outcome(s) you want for yourself. See yourself in your new body, your new role, or whatever it is that you want.  Imagine how good it will feel to have what you desire.  Visualize it, feel it in your body, and see it in your mind’s eye as if you already have it.  Write it down, or create a vision board, and in some way, visit your hoped-for outcome daily.

With your vision in mind, it will be easier to make better choices. Find one to three things that you can do this week that support your goal.  Make sure you feel at least 80 percent confident that you can get them done. If you don’t feel that confident, make the activities smaller and more achievable until you do.  Then next week, do it again. Check in with yourself.  How’s it going?  Make modifications if needed.

Keep it up.  There are many paths to your desired outcome and most of them won’t be straight lines. When your willpower starts to get shaky, revisit your vision (and perhaps use the next few tips as well)!

3)   Ditch the negative self talk

Beating yourself up may seem to be a handy tactic for staying on track, but in the long-term, it’s demotivating.  And since motivation (and feeling good about yourself) fuels willpower, self-compassion is a better alternative for self-correction. When you are relaxed and feeling like you are on your own team, it is easier to tap into your creative problem-solving ability.  

Try this:  If you “disappoint” yourself in some way, consider talking to yourself as of you were speaking to your best friend.  What would you say?  From that place of understanding and kindness, restore your faith in your ability to accomplish your goals and figure out your next move toward success. 

4)   Celebrate your accomplishments

When you make progress toward your vision, – no matter how small a step, you deserve a virtual self-hug.  It’s important to take a moment to reflect and feel good about what you have done. In fact, give yourself a “HELL YES!” Your celebration doesn’t have to be a big deal, maybe it’s just a moment of reflection  - or even 15 minutes of hard-earned down time.    Small rewards reinforce our positive behaviors and makes manifesting our vision more fun.  They keep us going.

5)   Get honest and face your fears

Last but not least, if you find you just can’t seem to make it happen, get super honest with yourself.  What is really holding you back from your next step?  If you notice that you are frustrated and just can’t make any progress, consider digging more deeply into what fears and beliefs might be getting in the way.

Most of us have old behaviors from childhood that helped us cope with our world.  Now that we are all grown up, many of those old strategies and beliefs don’t work too well any more.  In fact, subconscious patterns can get us stuck in an endless loop that often leaves us feeling helpless. Frequently, those patterns are hard to recognize.  If so, seek support.

There are many resources you can tap into to explore your inner world.  Journaling, coaching, therapy or   “THE WORK” of Byron Katie can get you into motion again.

Whatever you choose to do with this one sweet life, remember, you are here on this earth to contribute in your own unique way.  With patience, perseverance and self-compassion, you can accomplish your dreams.

 

 

Tags: Byron Katie, coaching, self compassion, negative self talk, The Work, motivation, accomplishments, willpower, celebrate

Drop the Struggle and Find Your Passion

Posted by Catherine Saar on Tue, Nov 06, 2012 @ 08:07 PM

As a coach, I often hear, “I want to find my passion.” While some of us clearly know what we are called to do, others of us don’t.  If you are a passion seeker, here’s a clue: Drop the struggle.  Anxiety about passion won’t help you discover it faster.  For most of us, passion does not arrive as an instantaneous inspiration, but rather, it emerges as we learn who we are. 

So instead of obsessing about finding your passion, can you get passionate about exploration?  What’s happening for you now?   If your job is boring, how might you change it?  If you are burnt-out, how might you take better care of yourself?  Figure out what is stopping you.    Know it, taste it, improve it, if needed.  Try new things; be surprised by what you enjoy.  Is it possible to stop focusing on how you want things to be, and start accepting, (or even being in love with) what you are doing right now?   

For me, it’s been like putting together a jigsaw puzzle where I’ve gathered up the pieces over the course of a 35-year treasure hunt.  While part of me wishes I could have known my path sooner, it would not have been possible.  It’s only recently that I’ve gathered up enough puzzle pieces (skills and awareness) to identify the picture that has emerged.

Here are some interesting questions to help you start to consider your life’s path. How many of these can you answer?

  • What do you love?

  • What are your skills and gifts?

  • What do you care about deeply? What moves you to tears? What issues get you angry, absorb you or bring you joy?

  • What would you do for work even if you weren’t paid to do it?

  • What is essential to your happiness?

  • What do you really need?

  • How would you describe your essential self?  Are you a problem solver, a poet, an adventurer, a maker, a storyteller, a teacher, a peacemaker, a hermit?  (Tip: Observe your patterns of behavior to get to the answer to this – rather than trying to label yourself with what you would like your essential self to be!)

Your answers to these questions are a clue to your level of self-awareness. For any that you can’t answer, get curious. Can you take a class, try a workshop, enter a contest – or work as a volunteer?  Remember that if something you try doesn’t bring you joy, (or doesn’t fit well with your skills and gifts), you can move on.

Pay attention if any of these questions awaken your inner critic. What conflicts hold you back from doing what you love?  One common issue is money. For example, if you want to be an artist, and you believe you need to earn a six-figure income to keep you afloat, ask yourself, is that absolutely true?  If you are willing to look at what you really need and want, you may find that there are a million possible creative solutions to your dilemma. Could you pursue art as a secondary money making venture?  Can you change your living situation and/or your budget so you can feed your passion until you can earn those six figures? You get the idea. Getting clear on needs and desires allows you to create many choices that can lead you to your right path.

You may also need to get clear on limiting beliefs.  Perhaps you think that following your passion is selfish and that being selfish is bad.  Is that really true?  Explore the assumptions and self-judgments that stop you from realizing your full potential and joy. If this is new to you, check out some of the many available resources, including coaching programs and books like “Loving What Is”, by Byron Katie and “I Could Do Anything if I Only Knew What  It Was” by Barbara Sher.

In short, getting on a path, any path, will take you somewhere.  And somewhere is better than being stuck sitting around lamenting that you don’t know what you want.  Don’t wait for the perfect answer to find you.  Instead, follow your light, follow your bliss.  If an idea sparkles for you, give it a go.  Have faith.  Your life will take care of itself.

Tags: anxiety, Byron Katie, Loving What Is, Barbara Sher, stuck, joy, struggle, burnt-out, bliss, coach, job, life, passion, exploration, inner critic, limiting beliefs