Project U. Blog

As a career and wellness coach, I talk to clients all the time who want to feel happier and more successful in their lives.  Maybe they have to pick a college, a job, or decide whether to stay in a relationship.   Most of the time, they start from the outside and try to force fit themselves into something they aren’t good at or they don’t enjoy. They do it for the money, or to please mom or dad or to avoid being weird.  Often, they choose organizations that aren’t supportive of them, or surround themselves with people that don’t or can’t appreciate them for who they are.   If any of this sounds familiar, (about you or someone you know) then here are five suggestions to consider:

1) Know who you are.

Get clarity about what you are good at, and also about what do you love to do. Consider all your skills and love.  None of them are too small or too insignificant to count. Figure out if, or where those characteristics overlap.  Maybe they don’t. On the other hand, how might you include both in your life?  Could you put them together in a new and different way to invent something unusual? For example, maybe you are a skilled accountant and love listening to music, could you become an accountant for a radio station, a band or a performing arts organization?

2) Embrace and enhance your talents.

Once you know what you are good at, realize that it is not an accident. You are a unique expression of creativity in the universe. You have gifts.  You have a style. Go with it.  If you are a writer, write.  A great caregiver? Give care. A maker? Make. A teacher? Teach.  A good listener?  Listen.  Don’t fight it – appreciate it.  Whatever you have to offer, I assure you, it is worthwhile. And, like a garden, if you tend to it, it will blossom into something beautiful that will bring joy to you and to others.

3) Invest Yourself in opportunities (and people) that fit with your special and unique gifts.

Success is all about “fit.”  Find jobs, causes, people and/or organizations that will benefit from your skills and gifts.  Seek to spend time with people and causes that you believe in. Go to them and offer your gifts.  Develop your talents; hone them and make them grow.  Even if what you choose is not your primary money making endeavor, invest time and energy because it will feed your soul.  Wherever possible, surround yourself with people who appreciate you. Find a tribe. Even a single supportive friend or a pet can be enough companionship to give you the courage to align your life with your spirit.  Commit to spending way less time with people who don’t encourage and support you.

4) Accept that learning is continuous.

Just because you are following your heart and taking care of yourself, doesn’t mean that everything will go smoothly.  This is life.  Things go wrong; circumstances change.  Maybe you thought you really wanted to organize projects – so you took a desk job - and then found out that you are miserable unless you are doing lots of physical activity.  It’s okay!  It’s just new information. Go back to step one and two and then back to step three.  Get creative. Don’t beat yourself up.  No need for regret.  Do what you need to do.  Ask for support.  Life is a journey; death is a destination.

5) Change it up as needed.

Making change can be difficult. As a human, you will likely only choose to change once the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing. No matter.  Once you are ready to make a change, go for it.  Try something new.  Look for the best fit – whether it’s a college, a relationship, a home or a job.  It’s your life.  It’s your happiness.  Don’t squander any of it.  Find a place that you can land and that feels like home.  It may be challenging, but it will be worth it.  Your real job in this life is to be yourself and to have fun doing it.  Start by acknowledging your gifts and by loving who you are.

During a recent spin class, my instructor seemed vaguely familiar - but if this was who I thought it was, he appeared transformed.  This instructor’s hair was darker and bushier; he was a bit beefier and a little easier going than I remembered.  As I pondered the resemblance, the instructor shouted, “Dig!  Dig!  - Dig!”  This sealed the deal.  This had to be Doug – how many spin instructors actually use that expression in exactly that tone of voice?

After class, I decided to say hi and confess to Doug that I barely recognized him. He told me that he wasn’t surprised; he had gained quite a bit of weight because he had been very ill with a rare autoimmune disease that attacked his brain.  After a year, he was still undergoing chemotherapy.  He said he was glad to be alive and then added, “Yoga saved my life.”  

 “Say more,” I asked, feeling my “yogi” curiosity kick in.

Apparently, Doug had been practicing yoga several times a week for many years.  One day, he noticed that his balance had been progressively (and inexplicably) getting worse for a while. This alarmed him, so he decided to go to the doctor. 

“I think there’s something wrong with my brain. My balance is off, and I seem to be losing my short term memory,” Doug explained to his highly regarded physician.  Sadly, the doctor dismissed Doug’s concerns and suggested that Doug might have the flu.  “Give it another week,” he told him.

But Doug knew himself better than that.  Years of yoga indicated to him that something was very different and very wrong about how he was moving through space – and he didn’t notice any flu-like symptoms.  So he decided to seek the advice of a second doctor, who also dismissed his reported symptoms as probably something minor.  Finally, another week or so later, a concerned family member made a call to a physician friend who agreed to give Doug an MRI.

Hours later, Doug found himself in intensive care, with several intravenous needles inserted in his arm.  He had an autoimmune disease that had attacked his brain. Large black areas appeared in his brain scan.  Not only was his ability to function at stake, but also his life.  The doctor advised him that he had no time to lose in getting treatment.

Obviously, Doug survived.   After a year of difficult convalescence, including learning to walk again and adjusting to a major hearing loss, Doug is back to work and teaching spin classes.  He credits his self-awareness and his yoga practice with saving his life.

While yoga was the tip off, Doug also had the confidence to trust his self-knowledge and to persist in his beliefs, regardless of what the “experts” told him.  As a result, he is one of just a few hundred survivors of this rare disease.

Doug’s story resonated with me. How many times have I dismissed my inner voice, when I hear it telling me something is wrong? Call it a gut feeling, a hunch, or an instinct, but the implication seems the same. It’s important to pay attention and to honor your hunches.  Check them out. Be mindful of your body.  Notice the specifics of how you feel when you are well.  Notice how it feels when you are tired, or when you eat and drink different foods.  Pay attention to how your chest and stomach feel when you meet someone you like, versus where and how your body feels when you are in a challenging situation.  Notice when long-term patterns change.  These are clues, and clues provide important information.

 Time and time again, I find that our bodies will tell us what our conscious minds cannot discern.  All we need to do is listen (somatically), and learn to interpret and to honor the signals we receive.

Know yourself; know your body.  Trust that knowledge.  It might just save your life.

I watched the presidential debate last night.  We can argue about who got what right, and the fact checkers can weigh in, but in the end, my hunch is that most of us read the energy of the candidates more than we analyzed every word they said.

If you were able to watch or listen, ask yourself, which candidate seemed energized?  Which candidate was not? How did that make you feel about each of them?  Did it make you trust one more than the other?

I sensed that Obama was tired, while Romney was energized.  Remember this when you are interviewing, in a relationship, or making a presentation.  The facts are important, but in the wise words of Maya Angelou, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

My key takeaway? It’s important to learn how to work with your energy.  One of the key pieces to clear energy is being in your truth, otherwise you can get very stuck!  What is authentic for you?  When you align with who you are and what you need, your energy can shine through you.  Although the path can be challenging, it’s worth the trip.