Project U. Blog

Five Tips to Get Your Goals Back on Track

Posted by Catherine Saar on Thu, Jan 29, 2015 @ 10:48 PM

It's no longer early January.  And if you are like 50% of theiStock 000042811780Small population, you are beginning to slack off on the goals you set for this year. If so, try these five tips to help get you back on track:

1)   Abandon all or nothing thinking:

Perhaps you planned to workout seven days a week, or you hoped to get a new job by February first  - and now, those goals seem unrealistic. What about revising your plan to be more doable?  So many of us set enormous expectations that set us up for failure.  If we try to do too much too quickly, we can create goals that are very difficult to achieve and to maintain. And when we don’t meet our demanding standards, we give up all together.  Consider instead, that if you are doing even 5% more toward your goal this year versus last year, you will make progress.

What about harnessing the power of small steps to kick-start your journey?  Putting effort into your goal for even 15 minutes once a week is better than doing nothing at all. You can always add incrementally over time if you want to.  Remember the tortoise and the hare?  Slow and steady may be the best way to win your race.

2)   Use Motivation to fuel willpower

Many of us think that if we just had enough willpower, we could move mountains.  What we don’t understand is how to tap into our willpower.  While you may be able to force yourself to do something for a while, if your heart isn’t in it, it’s not going to be sustainable.  Motivation is the key that unlocks our ability to make good choices in difficult moments (aka “willpower”).

If you are seeking motivation, envision what outcome(s) you want for yourself. See yourself in your new body, your new role, or whatever it is that you want.  Imagine how good it will feel to have what you desire.  Visualize it, feel it in your body, and see it in your mind’s eye as if you already have it.  Write it down, or create a vision board, and in some way, visit your hoped-for outcome daily.

With your vision in mind, it will be easier to make better choices. Find one to three things that you can do this week that support your goal.  Make sure you feel at least 80 percent confident that you can get them done. If you don’t feel that confident, make the activities smaller and more achievable until you do.  Then next week, do it again. Check in with yourself.  How’s it going?  Make modifications if needed.

Keep it up.  There are many paths to your desired outcome and most of them won’t be straight lines. When your willpower starts to get shaky, revisit your vision (and perhaps use the next few tips as well)!

3)   Ditch the negative self talk

Beating yourself up may seem to be a handy tactic for staying on track, but in the long-term, it’s demotivating.  And since motivation (and feeling good about yourself) fuels willpower, self-compassion is a better alternative for self-correction. When you are relaxed and feeling like you are on your own team, it is easier to tap into your creative problem-solving ability.  

Try this:  If you “disappoint” yourself in some way, consider talking to yourself as of you were speaking to your best friend.  What would you say?  From that place of understanding and kindness, restore your faith in your ability to accomplish your goals and figure out your next move toward success. 

4)   Celebrate your accomplishments

When you make progress toward your vision, – no matter how small a step, you deserve a virtual self-hug.  It’s important to take a moment to reflect and feel good about what you have done. In fact, give yourself a “HELL YES!” Your celebration doesn’t have to be a big deal, maybe it’s just a moment of reflection  - or even 15 minutes of hard-earned down time.    Small rewards reinforce our positive behaviors and makes manifesting our vision more fun.  They keep us going.

5)   Get honest and face your fears

Last but not least, if you find you just can’t seem to make it happen, get super honest with yourself.  What is really holding you back from your next step?  If you notice that you are frustrated and just can’t make any progress, consider digging more deeply into what fears and beliefs might be getting in the way.

Most of us have old behaviors from childhood that helped us cope with our world.  Now that we are all grown up, many of those old strategies and beliefs don’t work too well any more.  In fact, subconscious patterns can get us stuck in an endless loop that often leaves us feeling helpless. Frequently, those patterns are hard to recognize.  If so, seek support.

There are many resources you can tap into to explore your inner world.  Journaling, coaching, therapy or   “THE WORK” of Byron Katie can get you into motion again.

Whatever you choose to do with this one sweet life, remember, you are here on this earth to contribute in your own unique way.  With patience, perseverance and self-compassion, you can accomplish your dreams.

 

 

Tags: Byron Katie, coaching, self compassion, negative self talk, The Work, motivation, accomplishments, willpower, celebrate

If You Can’t Do It All, Why Not Do What You Love?

Posted by Catherine Saar on Tue, Mar 25, 2014 @ 10:08 AM

I have been lamenting my absence from social media of late, as well as my disruption in blogging.   My anxiety level was climbing as my inner voice chanted, “You should be …….  You should do”… and on and on.  Of course then my monkey midescribe the imagend rambled over to the dire consequences that await me:  “You won’t have any friends, you won’t succeed, “ BLAH, BLAH, Blah Blah…"

I was getting angry with myself until I realized that there are only 24 hours in a day, and that I have to spend at least six of them sleeping.

“Shoulding” on yourself is not the way to joy or peace. I have come to believe that one’s true path to success and fulfillment on this planet is to become more aware of who we are; to rediscover everyday what an “inspired” life means for each of us.  It is not something that anyone else can prescribe for you. Only you know what food, what work, what friendships and what pastimes most nurture you and allow you to bring the most joy and love to yourself and therefore, to the world.    And if you or I are not arriving at this place of joy and love, then perhaps we need to ask ourselves, “Why not?”

Having realized that no one else can tell me how to live my “right” life, I have to put my big girl pants on and choose where to focus my energy.  And some of those choices are painful!  Why?  Some behaviors are familiar and comfortable habits so they are hard to let go of (like wanting to be liked) and yet, they no longer serve me. And some are things that I enjoy, like hanging out on social media for hours, leave me insufficient time to pursue my soul’s passions.

Yup, change is challenging, but not embracing my soul’s desires with full engagement feels worse.

I am mourning many of the things that I will give up to get other things, and also celebrating the delights that I receive in so doing.   These choices are becoming more important for me as I enter the second half of my life and I understand with greater clarity that my energy and my time on this earth are not unlimited.

I find I am beginning to appreciate the things I am doing more, and fretting less about the things that I am not.  I am diving deep into my yoga studies and yoga teaching; I am offering NVC practice groups and workshops; I am coaching clients and fulfilling business agreements that bring me great satisfaction.  I have been reading more, exploring a loving relationship and spending more time being mindful.

This feels good.   This is my path.  And I wonder, what is yours?  What do you need to do to create a life that delights you and that serves the world?  If you can’t do everything, what is stopping you from doing what you love?

 

Tags: coaching, peace, inspired life, yoga, success, joy, nurture, passion, NVC, teaching, workshops, shoulding

Why Yes is Also No

Posted by Catherine Saar on Fri, Dec 20, 2013 @ 08:13 AM

It’s the busy holiday season, and there are more things on my to-do list than I can accomplish before year- end.  As I say “yes” to the items on my list, I am actually saying “no” to some others.   Whenever I accept an invitation, or take time to return a phone call, whatever I choose, I create my life.

When I commit to one romantic relationship, I essentially say “no” to another.  When I say “yes” to tons of volunteer work and keeping a busy work and social schedule, I may be saying no to rest, exercise or other kinds of self-care.  Sometimes it seems that there is no “right” answer.  I want to do it all.  I want to meet everyone’s needs as well as my own.  So how do you know what to choose?

Some decisions are easier than others.  The tricky ones play my emotions as if they were a musical score to a Broadway show - with joy, sorrow, and a whole range of seemingly conflicting feelings showing up.

For example, when I say no, I sometimes feel grief.  I mourn what I give up, even when I am moving into something that will be more life affirming for me.   My recent divorce is a case in point.   While being divorced has allowed a world of possibility and freedom, I miss some of the predictability and ease of partnership. I am also noticing that holiday planning seemed less complicated back then 

Would I go back? NO.  Do I still feel the sadness of what I have lost and the joy at what I have gained? YES.

WTF?  This is not what Hollywood promised!  How are we able to hold sweetness, joy and sorrow all at the same time? And yet I know in my heart, that in this weird metamorphosis, I am where I need to be, moving in the direction that I need to go.

Because I am a curious human, I sometimes hunger to know the outcome of the choices I did not make.   This is more commonly called  “second guessing.” Other times, I hope to be assured of an outcome before I make a decision.  That is very rarely possible and may lead to getting stuck!

What I’ve finally learned is that I cannot make decisions only with my brain, because it doesn’t have the answer.  It has logic, which often has nothing to do with what I really want in my heart.  And sadly, just trusting emotions is also not reliable, as those fickle friends usually show up in response to what I am thinking and can change with the wind.  

My hard-won insight  (after years of yoga, coaching, and nonviolent communication) is to rely more on the sensations in my body for decision making.  For example, I can notice a sense of relaxation and calm that I feel when I find an answer that suits me best.  It shows up as easier breathing, and lightness behind my eyes. I feel more open. On the other hand, when I am conflicted, I may feel tightness in my belly, my chest and/or my throat.  My eyes feel tired. 

My body is really smart.  It seems to be able to dialogue with my heart and my mind in ways to gather wisdom that heart or mind alone cannot access.  This kind of sensory feedback can take some mindfulness to observe, but it is available if you commit to noticing.  Or, download here; THE BODY COMPASS video that will take you through a simple exercise that can help you create an internal guidance mechanism.

My hope for you is that you can begin to listen carefully and notice what your body says when you say “yes,” or you say “no.”  Take your time, and trust yourself.  Remember, in every moment, you decide how you live your life, and you also get another opportunity to try something different.

 

Best Wishes for a happy and healthy 2014.

Tags: relationship, nonviolent communication, coaching, heart, divorced, curious, body compass, self care, yoga, second-guessing, stuck, body, exercise, grieve, metamorphosis

Character Flaw? Think Again.

Posted by Catherine Saar on Sat, Nov 16, 2013 @ 08:19 AM

If I had a dime for every self-deprecating thought that passed through my head in thisdescribe the image lifetime, I would be rich beyond my wildest dreams. And my hunch is that many of you would be too.  How many times did I think I was wrong, unlovable, dumb, lacking talent, and just not good enough?

What’s up with that?  Sure we make mistakes and we’re not perfect.  But who is?  In fact, for the most part, we are good, decent people who wish to contribute to each other in meaningful ways.

So why are we so capable at beating ourselves up with negative talk?

Having spent much of my life seeking equanimity, I found this simple truth:

There is nothing “defective” or “flawed” about me  - or you!  

Rather, we are addicted to “stinking thinking!” Over the years, we’ve developed negative thinking patterns that inform our feelings, which in turn, motivate much of our behavior. 

 This is usually how it goes: thoughts lead to feelings, feelings lead to behaviors and behaviors lead to consequences.   Consequences typically reinforce the thoughts that lead to feelings. And the cycle begins again.

We didn’t get here alone.  We’ve had lots of help forming negative thoughts. Parents, family, media, and even teachers were among the many misinformed who helped us to develop ideas like “I’m not good enough” or “I should be different than who I was born to be.”   Of course blaming others doesn’t solve anything, nor does passively awaiting rescue while we lick our wounds.  What does help? Mindful awareness and curiosity.  Can you stop judging yourself and wonder instead, “Why am I thinking this way?  What do I really want?”

In short, the key is awareness and shifting perspective.  Next time you notice a negative thought, can you question its validity and then reframe it?  Generally, if you dig around, you will uncover a positive or protective desire underneath the feelings that lead to your behaviors. Once you know that, you can strategize how to better meet your needs.

 Here are a few examples:

  • When you think you didn’t do enough, maybe it’s because you truly have a desire to contribute and want reassurance that you are contributing sufficiently.  How might you get that reassurance in a more productive way, rather than berating yourself? 
  • When you decide to react negatively to your partner, are you feeling scared that he or she doesn’t love you or understand you?  Is it possible that you want to protect yourself and that when you said the wrong thing; maybe you just wanted to be heard or seen for who you really are?  Could you have had that discussion in a different way without blaming him or her or yourself?

Translated, can you appreciate and acknowledge the good in you?  Know that it is there.  Most of us are just trying to do our best, as tender, vulnerable human beings.  We are afraid of being hurt, or hurting others, of not being or doing enough, or maybe doing or being too much. Very few of us wake up and think “I want to do a crappy job today”, or “I want to act like a jerk.” 

Can you begin to tease out the positive longings behind your negative feelings and behaviors? Can you name them with honesty and kindness for yourself and others?  And maybe handle situations that arise in a more life affirming and productive way?

I can’t say that you can change this overnight, but just becoming aware of the possibility can start you on a path to joyful change.  There are also lots of resources for healing and personal growth, including mindfulness practices, nonviolent communication, coaching and a host of therapeutic techniques.  As you embark on this process, you can begin to alter neural pathways – and that means that behavior change can become progressively easier.

I wish you much joy, peace, and success!  Here are some resources for you to explore on your journey to self-acceptance and self-realization:

Finding Your Own North Star, by Martha Beck

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg

What Happy People Know by Dan Baker  

The Work of Byron Katie

Mediate Your Life

 

 

Tags: nonviolent communication, coaching, contribute, kindness, character flaw, judging, behavior change, What Happy People Know, self-realization, curiosity, Martha Beck, beating ourselves up, equanimity, The Work of Byron Katie, Mediate Your Life, mindful, productive, unlovable, not good enough, negative thoughts, self acceptance

How We Fail

Posted by Catherine Saar on Tue, Jul 30, 2013 @ 09:02 AM

failurepic“If you were sure you would succeed, what would you do in your life?”  is a question that almost always provokes a very clear and meaningful answer from coaching clients who say they feel stuck and they aren’t sure what they want.

This no longer surprises me.  Somehow, taking the possibility of failure out of the equation frees us to dream and to dream big.  It happens time and time again, because in short, most of us are afraid to fail.  It is astonishing how a four-letter word can wield so much power over our lives.

Perhaps it is a stigma that we start learning in grade school that comes with the fear of failing to pass a subject or a test.  These early encounters teach us the habit of imprisoning ourselves with terror and shame should we be called out for failing.  I prefer to frame the word according to actor Gary Bussey’s definition: “You know what 'FAILING' stands for? It stands for 'Finding An Important Lesson, Inviting Needed Growth.”  

When I think about what it means to fail, I think Bussey is right.  Isn’t trying and failing and then trying again how we learn our most basic and meaningful lessons, like walking, talking and riding a bike?

Certainly, when we are learning a new sport and we make mistakes, we don’t consider ourselves to be failures. We expect that we will keep working and honing our skills – or we may decide that we don’t have any skill in a particular sport or a subject and we will try something else.  Its’ all a learning process that we readily accept – and yet, when the stakes get higher, like when we are pursuing a lifelong dream, so often the dread and anxiety of failure keeps us from moving forward.

So when we conceive of the word “failure” as a shameful label it seems to assume that we only get a limited number of tries at something or that there is only one acceptable solution.  It gives us no credit for learning and for gaining valuable experience over time. 

To that end, can we reframe how we use the word “fail”?  What would it be like to strike the word from our vocabulary?  Imagine if our report cards could say, “incomplete knowledge “when we don’t pass a subject or a test.  Or, maybe they could say, “more progress required for completion. “

For me that approach feels more motivating.  Suddenly, “I’m no good at math,” becomes – “Maybe I can go back and explore that subject in a different way.” The language shift offers us an invitation to continue to pursue, rather than shaming us into hiding and hopelessness.

And I also realize that you may be one of those folks who openly embrace failure.   That is awesome! Perhaps you can be a role model for the rest of us.  According to Inventor Thomas Edison, “Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

My hope is that you won’t be one of the people that Edison is talking about.  Keep the faith.  Giving-up is how we fail. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tags: anxiety, coaching, Gary Bussey, Thomas Edison, giving up, failing, lessons, dread, motivating, power, stuck, dream, succeed, shameful, hopelessness, progress, fail, failure

Connecting Mind and Body

Posted by Catherine Saar on Mon, Feb 25, 2013 @ 03:43 PM

MP900302954 resized 600After years of feeling unable to find my yoga “voice”, I recently began deepening my yoga practice and teaching. I owe that to the inspiration of Matt Sanford, a paraplegic yogi who teaches yoga to able bodied and disabled people and yoga teachers.  After attending a short workshop with him, I remembered that the power of yoga lies in deepening our awareness of the connection between our bodies and our minds, not in creating perfect poses, or in caloric reduction – (although both of those things may also occur as a result of rigorous practice).

My brief time with Matt helped me to touch the impact yoga made on me when I first began practicing.  I was a young married mother, working in corporate America, who began to find a connection to myself through my practice – not even being aware that I had become disconnected!

This is not uncommon for people who have experienced repetitive physical or emotional trauma in their lives.  And lets face it, there are way more of us who have experienced trauma than those who haven’t.  Consider caregivers and first-responders! They see trauma daily.

And here’s what I find most interesting: according to trauma research, trauma ”lives” in our bodies on a cellular level, such that certain sounds, movements, smells, sights, any number of things can act as “triggers” causing us to feel as though we are re-experiencing the event that caused our trauma.  A physical practice, like yoga or martial arts can help release the trauma on a somatic level. (You can read articles about trauma research at http://www.traumacenter.org/products/publications.php )

As human beings, we unconsciously try to protect ourselves from traumatic pain by creating a separation between our mind and our body.  We literally cut off the connection; we “dissociate”.   For example, I sometimes work with coaching clients who claim they cannot feel or cannot identify sensation in their bodies.

This is a handy device in some ways, and unfortunate in others.  When we disconnect ourselves from our somatic pain, we sometimes also disconnect ourselves from our joy – and a ton of other useful information that our bodies can provide to us.

Apparently, I unknowingly, employed this protective behavior.  There were times in my youth that I woke up on a Saturday morning and had no idea of what I wanted to do, or why. The good news is that after I started yoga in the early 90’s, I reestablished a relationship with my body.  I didn’t even realize the transformation in myself.  Looking back now at 15 years of practice, yoga has so integrated me with myself that I nearly always feel centered.  Most of the time, I can perceive what I want and what I need with ease, even under stress.

Yoga reeducated me that my body and my mind need to take care of each other – and helped me to learn how to do this.  In this way, I have developed a loving, caring friendship with myself.

In short, I feel at home in my body. I can relax there.  I no longer discern who is master and who is servant. Mind and body have become partners, cuing each other as to what the other needs and wants.  And I am grateful and joyous to return daily to my mat to calm my mind and to reaffirm its partnership with my body.

 

Tags: relationship, connection, coaching, transformation, loving, Matt Sanford, emotional, martial arts, yoga, inspiration, disconnected, physical, research, triggers, friendship, grateful, bodies, calm, joy, awareness, caregivers, somatic, caring, integrated, relax, minds, stress, trauma, protective

Successful New Year’s Resolutions Start with Clarity

Posted by Catherine Saar on Fri, Dec 28, 2012 @ 07:23 AM
Clarity

Success is not an accident.  In a survey of thousands of successful people, the top 10 percent most successful said that they thought about their dream all the time, and took steps daily to make it happen.  After all, can you get somewhere if you don’t know where you’re going?  Having a clear vision and clear goals is essential to your journey.

Take a moment and think about something you’ve accomplished in your life that makes you feel good and proud.

How did you make it happen?          

My guess is that for most of you, it started with an intention or an idea. Chances are, you accomplished your goal because you knew what you wanted, and why you wanted it.  Whatever it was, whether it was losing weight, writing a book, or starting a business, it probably started with a desire and the motivation to achieve your dream, your vision.

So what dream have you yet to realize? In an article by author Bronnie Ware,  a nurse who worked with patients during the last three to twelve weeks of their lives, she documented what those patients regretted. The most common regret she heard was, “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”  

Isn’t that interesting? She found that when people neared the end of life, it was easy for them to see how many of their dreams had gone unfulfilled.

What a shame! But not a surprise.

Many things can hold us back from pursuing our dreams. In my coaching practice, I encounter all kinds of dreamers: those who have given up on their dreams, those who can’t remember what their dreams are, and those who can’t get motivated or get past the fear that they won’t be able to  make their dreams come true.

So while there can be many issues, the very first step in fulfillment is clear vision.  Mark Twain summed it up when he said, “I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me …what they want.”

I suggest you take the very first step on the path toward living your best life by getting clear on what you truly want.   When your dreams come from your heart, and not from your head, your motivation provides fuel that will help you to see your dreams through to completion. When your heart is in the game, you will find a way to prevail.

If you struggle with this first step, here’s a fun exercise to get you started back on track. Can you complete the following statements?

1)      If I didn’t care what people thought I would _____________.

2)      If I were sure that I’d succeed, I would ______________.

3)      If I weren’t worried about the future, I would ____________________.

4)      The thing that has to change now is _________________________.

These four statements may begin to give you a clue of what’s really important to you.  If you find these statements difficult to answer, maybe you’ve lost touch with your dreams.  In that case, start paying attention. Notice what things get you excited about life; if you can’t find anything, start looking back into your past.  When was there a time that you felt inspired and excited?  What were you doing?  Excitement that you felt in the past can give you some great insight into what you might want to do next to get dreaming again.

Knowing your heart’s desire is only a first step, but it is a critical one. If you struggle with any part of this work, think about getting some additional support.  There is a free worksheet you can download off this site called Smart Resolution Success that gives you more guidance.  I also offer a complimentary 30-minute coaching consultation to get you started on your way.  Clients usually find that once they get clear about their dreams, it’s much easier to put together a project plan to bring them to fruition.  If you’re interested, contact me on this site, or e-mail cat@theprojectcoach.com.

I leave you with this thought from Henry David Thoreau, "If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours."

Happy New Year!  I wish you much success in all you dream, and all you do.


Tags: coaching, heart, clarity, success, change, intention, losing weight, writing a book, complimentary, consultation, dream, succeed, motivation, fear, accomplished, Bronnie Ware, common regret, live a life true to myself, Mark Twain, worried, future, New Years Resolutions, vision, goals, starting a business, courage, inspired, Henry David Thoreau

Five Paths Back to Your Authentic Self

Posted by Catherine Saar on Thu, Mar 08, 2012 @ 11:01 AM

homepageiStock 000011612569SmallbutterflyHave you ever noticed that when you are doing what you love, you feel peaceful, clear and alive? You feel like you have energy to go on for hours without tiring and you can’t wait to do it again.  In these moments, you are aligned in body, spirit and mind.  All is well with the world.

On the other hand, when you’re not excited about getting out of bed in the morning or you find yourself exhausted all the time, check in.   If nothing seems good enough, is it because you are spending all your energy keeping up appearances to fit into other’s expectations?  Are you possibly living by your own faulty assumptions and expectations about what your life “should be”?

Listen for the whisper of your authentic self.  When you engage in activities that please your parent(s), your lover or someone other than you, chances are, you are not honoring your truth.    The funny thing about that is that your truth won’t leave you alone.  It pushes on you, often in some subconscious way, creating stress and fogginess.  Sometimes you may even create bad habits like overeating or engaging in substance abuse to better ignore that small voice nagging at you, trying to tell you,  ‘something is not right here.’

We are often afraid to hear what our inner voice has to say.  There may be guilt, anger, conflict and ultimately, a need to take corrective action if we are courageous enough to allow ourselves to pay attention. But that voice is your friend.  It is the voice that wants you to experience the joy of aligning to your life purpose.  Like a good friend, it will keep nagging you to do the right thing for you.  

I won’t kid you.  If you’re not in the habit of honoring your authentic self, it can be a challenging journey to acknowledge who you are.  You may disappoint some people in your life.  You may leave some others behind.  You may need to start a new career.  It can be scary – BUT, the place it will lead you - back to yourself - will be incredibly meaningful and empowering.   

If you aren’t sure where or how to start to listen to your inner voice, here are some of my favorite resources and ideas to get you started:

1) Start a mindfulness or a meditation practice of your choice.  Any mindfulness practice will put you back in touch with yourself.  There are tons of resources online – and practices come in many flavors.  Explore and experiment. 

2) Create space and time in your life to do more of the things you love.  Take 30 minutes a day (or more) to do something for you.

3) Find a book to guide you.  Here are some of my favorites:  

4) Work with a coach.  Individual or group coaching can be useful if you want a partner to help support and guide you toward clarity about your authentic path.  (More on this)

5) Work with a therapist.  Therapy may be extremely beneficial for certain situations.  If you have experienced trauma, or face serious emotional issues or medical conditions, including anxiety and depression, working with a psychotherapist may be an important first step to finding your way.

Once you find your personal truth and accept who you are and what you value as being good and worthwhile, you can begin to make choices that lead you to more joy.  Take a breath and listen.  Know that you are worth it.

Interested in a complimentary 30-minute coaching consultation?  Call me at 781-237-3420 or send me an e-mail at cat@theprojectcoach.com  to find out how you can clarify your goals and make your dreams come true.

Tags: coaching, clarity, conflict, peaceful, spirit, expectations, your truth, substance abuse, guilt, courageous, empowering, explore, Martha Beck, Barbara Sher, body, doing what you love, clear, aligned, mind, keeping up appearances, authentic self, overeating, afraid, meditation, things you love, The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron, choices, make your dreams come true, inner voice, coach, goals, energy, exhausted, stress, bad habits, anger, life purpose, new career, meaningful, mindfulness, experiment, The Joy Diet, I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was, trauma, emotional issues, complimentary coaching session, passion, creativity, therapy, breath, worth

Are You Done, NOW WHAT?

Posted by Catherine Saar on Thu, Sep 08, 2011 @ 03:39 PM

A common question I hear from coaching clients is, “Why can’t I make a decision?”   Frequently, the answer is, because you are not ready. Either you need more information or you need to deal with the root cause of what is holding you back – like fear.   Rest assured, you will make a decision when you are ready to make it.  Usually, your gut knows when it’s time, like the gal in my video “Done”.  Often, you will commit to take action once the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of making a change.

For most people who have decided, or who are in the process of deciding whether to make a big change, small steps are a good way to start, especially if the change is a scary one.  For example, if you suddenly want to change your career, you might not want to quit your job until you have done a little research and possibly some preparation.  Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. I hear many stories about people who just up and quit and do very well for themselves, but if you are not one of those personalities, then here’s a process for you to consider:

1) Create a vision of your outcome or goal.  See it in your mind’s eye as if it is already real.  Tap into the feeling of already having what you want: joy, satisfaction, thinness, safety, whatever it is.  Keep that feeling in your pocket. Revisit it from time to time, especially during times when you need motivation.

2) Think through, brainstorm and diagram all the steps you can take to get to your goal.  Consider various options and possibilities.  Try using a mind map a vision board or sticky notes…whatever works for you to map out a path.

3) Break each step or item down into small steps, and those down into even smaller steps.

4) Commit to taking consistent action on one or more of your small steps daily or weekly.  If needed, work with a buddy or a coach, and set up accountability for yourself.

5) Keep track of your progress, pat yourself on the back, and adjust your plan as needed.

Before you know it, one small step will lead to another and you will arrive at your envisioned destination.  In short, you are done - until it’s time for your next project!

Tags: coaching, vision board, mind map, commit, change, goal, decision, motivation, fear, vision, coach, brainstorm